Soda??? It's me Kerisa

Okay so today marks day 7 without drinking soda, you know how they say it gets easier? Well they lied...I still think about soda and I have to constantly tell myself no when I'm at the store, but if I can make it 14 more days I know I'll be able to almost completely cut it out of my life except for rare occasions, to replace soda with something sweet I have been drinking strawberry lemonade I haven't found anything as good as mixing frozen lemonade with blended strawberries but I am getting close! I bought 2 different kinda of strawberry lemonade in a bottle and they aren't half bad!! I wanted to do the Frozen/blended option but I just didnt have $7+ dollars to spend on ingredients since neither lemonade or strawberries were on sale, I think the next thing I wanna cut out is chocolate except for Saturday and only if I have hit my weekly goals ie went to the gym 5x this week or lost 2lbs, which reminds me I need to revise my workout schedule, I wanted to go today but by the time I got off work I was in a super bad mood and I just wanted to go home. Since I only work til 2 tomorrow I will definitely be going to the gym I really wanted to take a class but its pointless to try and entertain myself at the gym until 4:30 when I get off at 2, I am going to do Zumba on Thursday morning and I will do turbo kick (the class I've been wanting to do and hoping its just as good as the one at Bally's that I miss) I'm down to only 4 months and 13 days before Hawaii and I'm at 179.0 lbs...... I already know why I gained 5lbs all the pop and bad food I was eating, I'm definitely going to do the 3 day diet again next week I really wanna do another fitwrap too but just don't have the money yet. I don't know what's stopping me from going to the gym it's like 4% of my day yet I feel like I don't have enough time but all I do is come home and lay in bed and go on Pinterest, weddinggawker, and theknot.com I could do that at the gym if I wanted to yet I choose not to. I was so tired today after closing last night and opening this morning that I wanted to go to bed early yet here it is 11:58 and I'm still up, I think part of it is I'm still frustrated over my day and how it went it was fine during the morning but toward the end of my shift not so good and the fact that I've barely spoken to Brian since Sunday doesn't help, yes I did get to talk to him on the phone for a few yesterday but today I couldn't even get him on the phone, the trouble is he is training for his new job whereas at his old job we could be on the phone for hours and have no problems. It's hard because I cannot have my phone on me, around me or even in sight. (Rules of my job) so by the time I got off Brian wasn't even off yet as far as I could tell and when he did finally text back he was eating and then going to bed he has to wake up between 1:30-2am now which means bedtime between 5:30 and 6 and I can tell he is super tired trying to adjust to the change because of daylight savings time and having to get up 2-3 hours earlier than what he has been the last 3 1/2 years.... Anyways I got off topic I'm hoping that cutting out pop the lbs will start to melt off like people have said in the past, I've also started taking green coffee bean extract because Dr Oz has said it works but so far I don't see any results so maybe I just need to cut pills all together?? I know the rules to lose weight burn more calories then you take in but it's like eat every 2-3 hours so your body doesn't go into starve mode which is fine with me but impossible at my job especialy since its now busy season I just get busy cleansing the beds, selling items and checking tanners in that I forget to eat. Monday night I made this huge dinner /snacks for work and all I ended up being able to eat was a yogurt, a rice Krispy treat and a cheesestick, I ate top ramen when I got home at 10pm which I regretted but I mean come on I was STARVING, I know I shouldn't have eaten anything especially top ramen but I knew I would wake up in the middle of the night and start binge eating which I don't wanna do, maybe I should make a food schedule idk. I have Thursday off so I think that day I will do my new workout routine calendar and possibly my food schedule this is where my phone would come in handy at work to tell me hey it's time to eat your snack! I saw on Pinterest a pinner had everything separated with tags saying morning snack, lunch, evening snack etc etc obviously I wouldn't do that for dinner or breakfast (depending on my shift) but that might be something to look into just to get me on a schedule because I know that once I start hitting the gym hard I'm gonna wanna eat more and it needs to be healthy shopping the hard part is too that I buy healthy stuff then forget I have it..... Oh well I need to get to sleep because I have work in the morning!! Atleast I can sleep til 7:45 well until next time!

30 Day Gym Challenge...Day 1

Alright I made it back into the gym!!!!! I was going to be there for 2 hours but I got sidetracked in Barnes and Noble and GNC so I really only got a little over an hour in but I was happy with my results...sometimes I set the standards too high for myself when I am starting over at something. So I sat in the sauna reading of of 3 new books that I have purchased recently and was enjoying reading it when all of a sudden an older asian man on the floor asked me why I was not sweating, looking completely puzzled I showed him my arm which had a stagnent pool of sweat on it LOL perhaps it was the fact that I was fully clothed and he was only wearing shorts that gave the illusion that I was not in fact sweating. But trust me I could feel the sweat running down my back while I was trying to read my book. When I finally was able to find a break in the conversation and leave I went upstairs and I did my workout, It felt good to be back in the gym, I didn't do a specific workout routine per say because I need to formulate a new awesome one for myself so I just made sure to focus on each body area ie arms, legs, but, abs, back etc. lol I almost hate being so sweaty that you leave marks all over the chairs but then I love being sweaty because obviously your burning up calories.........I didn't end up doing cardio because well I started trying to read my book on the treadmill but I honestly looked like I was a drunk person bobbing and weaving side to side and then when I tried to do the eliptical it was even worse so I just got frustrated and got off because not only did the tv not work on but my phone was in my locker so I couldn't listen to music. oh well next time i'll be prepared and realize that trying to read and walk or eliptical is not an easy task especially when you have the hold the book because the holders are not wide enough for my book and not tall enough to hold the pages in place (hence the bobbing and weaving because I was trying to multitask) anyways besides that it felt great! When I got home and got out of the nice warm shower I had the i'm going to be sore tomorrow feeling and it was amazing to feel that again, I haven't felt that way in a long time!!!! It takes 4 weeks for you to see changes in your body 8 weeks for your friends to notice and  12 weeks for the world to notice so here is my challenge, go to the gym 2-3x a week whether it's cardio, a class or weights it doesn't matter as long as I go to the gym and do something there. I really want to take several classes they offer there, I took an amazing kickboxing class at LA fitness in Wilsonville and I loved it!!! i'm hoping the class at 24 hour is just as good, they also have zumba and another class called bodycombat I wanna try so I will give you all updates when I am finally able to get into one!

My new reading materials I picked up!

Cleanses, Detoxes & Diets

So I bought a new diet book last week, I haven't even made a dent in it :/ part of the problem is that i'm not allowed to read on my lunch, wait let me rephrase that, all books have to be cleared by corporate and I know this book will not be cleared since I wasn't even cleared to work on a math worksheet on my lunch. Anyways the book is called the Perfect 10 Diet, it's gotten rave reviews because it works using your hormones which as we all know helps us lose and gain weight etc. Besides that this morning did not go well, as I previously posted my size 10 jeans ripped and I said maybe I should squeeze into the 8's, well lets just say I can't even get the jeans past my monstrous thighs and since I don't want to look gangsta (yes that is my word of choice) thankfully Brian's mom just agreed to put patches on the thighs so that I can still wear them until I lose my weight UGH as if the signs weren't obivous i'm still not motivated, how horrible am I if I can't even get motivated by a pair jeans that have ripped out because of my fat thighs. I did the 3 day diet last year before I went to Hawaii and I did lose weight on that, i'm thinking about maybe doing it again just to try and start this thing off, I keep backsliding, I tried the 21 day challenge and failed on day 1, Why can't I stick to things???? i'm losing precious time every day that slips by and I don't lose weight, Hawaii will be here before I know it and I will still be overweight and jiggly on the beach which I do not want, AND hopefully after that I will be planning my wedding and I don't wanna be overweight and jiggly in my dress. I mean maybe I need a partner again I don't know why is it so hard for me to say no to soda and chocolate and all those desirably bad things??? I know what they do to me I see it everytime I look in the mirror yet I still eat them, and in large amounts, this morning I had 4 swiss rolls and 1 cinnamon roll breakfast thing this morning BEFORE my bowl of honey nut cheerios (atleast that was healthy) and even now as I wrote that I was thinking I want another swiss roll.....Why isn't there some magical pill that makes everything you once thought tasted amazing taste horribly wrong. Like chocolate or soda or chinese food......especially chinese food because that is a HUGE weakness of mine..crab puffs and subgum chow mein (which incidentally I don't think is that bad because it's vegetables??? but maybe the sauce??) So we've covered diets and diet books but what about the cleanses and detoxes?? I made the mistake of doing a pill that gets rid of all of your water weight and well it wasn't pretty my advice if you ever do one is to just stay home all day and don't make any plans because you will be running to the toilet every 5 minutes! I never have actually done a cleanse but I did do a fitbody wrap at work which is supposed to detox/cleanse you, but I tell you what you have to make sure you have some kind of entertainment otherwise you are just laying in a pool of your own sweat listening to everyone talk outside of the room, btw it's 60 min long and I only made it to 50 min. I literally got out and when I stepped off the table all of the water that had collected in the foot of my awesome gown (btw for those of you who need a visual the suit is kind of like a mesh and it's a full suit complete with feet....think adult footy pajama's that are see through lol) poured out all over the floor, i'm not sure exactly how many calories I burned you can burn a minimum of 1400 in a single session depending on your body type. will I do it again? If I can afford it of course I will, it'll be great for Hawaii. Anyways I thought that would be a good idea to start off my new dietary lifestyle but nope. It doesn't matter, I bought Twilight and it came with popcorn and Sierra Mist which i've been consuming over the last few days......I also ate an entire totino's mini pizza, the kind you get for $1. not to mention all the reeses peanut butter cups as well, why is it so hard to give up, i'm seriously considering getting hypnotized. It takes 3 weeks I believe to break a habit? Or is it to form a new habit I can't remember...hold on i'm gonna google it...Okay actually it says it takes a month and a half to break a habit...holy crap so basically if I start today, well actually I can't really start today because I already ruined the habit, that means that means by the middle of April my habit will be broken, how did I do it last time????? I can't even remember to be honest but I was so good I would have cottage cheese and edameme for lunch and hardly ever touch a soda but now its gone i'm back to my old habits and I don't know how I can break them......does anyone out there have any thoughts or tips? I'm getting desperate to be honest, I wanna break this addiction to bad food and soda and chocolate for everytime i'm feeling down or upset or happy. I am not a dog I do not need to reward myself with food....

Are you kidding me???????

So Friday I had a not so good moment...You see i've been stuck in a size 10 jeans, I won't go buy new jeans because A. I don't have the money B. Whats the point if i'm losing weight? and C I have 2 pairs of size 8, one pair of 6's and a pair of 4's in my closet so why waste money on more? Well I may have to buy a pair since i'm not going to lose weight overnight and fit into a size 8, so here is the deal I carry weight in my stomach and my thighs mostly, yes my arms are flabby and big but I do have bigger biceps for a girl...anyways my thighs rub together (all women without an inner thigh gap know what i'm talking about~!) so my jeans wear out around my inner thighs, i've only had 1 pair of jeans do this until now, needless to say Friday I was sitting in my boyfriends car and I happened to have my legs slightly open when I noticed that they were worn out there wasn't any huge holes or anything but you can tell it was pretty close...I was hoping to get some more use out of them but that changed when Brian saw it and decided to stick his finger in the hole on right thigh and proceed to rip it completely open....I wanted to seriously kill him...So how I have three options, I can either A. never wear the jeans again and squeeze my fat body into my 8's and have a muffin top until I lose the weight (maybe it will give me the motivation that I need) I can have Brian's mom put a patch on either side but lets be realistic patch jobs don't belong on the inner thighs of jeans...sorry but they don't and you will totally be able to tell... or option 3 I can go purchase new jeans with money that I don't have since I am saving for Hawaii....not sure which option I want to go with and I mean it's not like I can wear sweats and yoga pants to work for the next 4 weeks while I try to lose weight, (that would be nice if I could though) So here is the question what would you do???

Motivation Step 1..............Utter Humilation Complete

So I was going through some photos of myself before I lost the initial 40lbs on my weight loss goal (although now it's 25lbs since i'm back up to 175) Anyways i've been with my boyfriend for 4 years tomorrow (yay! Happy anniversary to us!) Getting off topic again but not really....Okay ANYWAYS I was saying that since we want to get married someday I had decided to go with my friend Kyra and try on some dresses....needless to say part of me wishes I had burned the photos and the other part of me thinks i'm crazy that i'm actually going to share this photo on the internet for everyone to see but hey this is a motivational blog is it not?? I'm also using it for my own motivation because since we do want to get married some day (and no i'm not engaged but thanks for assuming ;) lol) I will have to put on a wedding dress and lets just say I NEVER want to look this way in a wedding dress when it is actually time to put one on for our wedding....... So step one submit myself to utter humilitaion is now complete and for your viewing pleasure I bring you..........................My utter humiliation......

Motivation Schmotivation

Why is it that I can look at a girl who is skinny and think there is my motivation, I want to look that good in that same type of an outfit...but then it's gone??? I hate looking at myself in the mirror or naked or in a bathing suit or even in regular clothes. it's mostly my mid-section and my arms I hate, my legs allbeit are still fabulous thanks to years upon years of sports, yes I do have some cellulite that needs to be beaten away but other than that my legs are still fabulous...ok well I hate my muscular calves because they aren't skinny muscular they are huge muscular, I have yet to find a pair of boots that don't cut off my circulation and can allow a pair of jeans to fit into them. I wish I could find my real motivation, 2 years ago at this time I had super motivation I was at the gym after work, on the weekends, taking classes it was great and now??? Nothing, nada, I go to 24 hour in Clackamas which is a super sport and has classes but yet after working all day at my new job I just idk don't wanna go. I don't wanna take classes I just am content gorging myself on chinese, soda and candy bars (reeses pieces and peanut butter cups are my weakness....) okay well i'm not really content but my mind says I am I guess..... the thing is i'm going to Hawaii in July and I don't want to be fat on the beach, last year when I went I was able to get down to 160 which btw was difficult because I could not work out due to a bad workers comp injury. And I mean it's not that difficult a task to lose 45lbs in 5 months, thats only 9lbs a month which is very reasonable....I think I just need a motivator...Yes i've tried Brian but we work out differently so it's hard to get motivated and my old gym buddy Angela goes to LA Fitness..(my old gym) I really want to get a trainer but again don't have the money to afford it.....Does anyone have any tips?? i'm almost tempted to buy a gorgeous dress and take a pic of myself all fat in it and them put it as my wallpaper on my phone and plaster it on my mirror as a reminder but I don't know if that will work or not..............I need to find a gym buddy for real, but someone who doesn't mind going early in the morning or late in the evening, oh thats the other thing sometimes I get off at 4 or 5 and by the time I get to the gym it's absolutely packed and I end up waiting for a machine for longer than I would actually be on the machine!!!! And yes I could use the distance factor as a reason for not going but truth is I had a gym membership in the next town over and I still didn't go, but I must add it was also because the gym lacked a ton of the essentials I wanted in a gym and now because I stupidly bought a year long membership because it was a few dollars cheaper I have to pay $100 to cancel it which I can't afford right now...............(long story) Anyways the point of this post is that I need to find my motivation again so if anyone has any tips PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know!!!! :)

Why does it have to be so hard???

I love food, especially bad food, processed food, now i'm not talking about McDonalds because I haven't eaten there in YEARS i'm talking about yeah I still eat Taco Bell and sometimes I crave a whopper or I go to Carls Jr. I swear my relationship with food is what is causing my downfall. I try to stay away from all bad things and instead I end up binging on them. And yes I know people say just have a little bit but I end up eating the entire box. It's not like you can tell a girl scout oh sorry I'm on a diet...you buy a box of cookies has no one seen the pacifier???? Maybe I should go get hypnotized to not like Dr. Pepper or Sprite...or chocolate in general... well that might be too much I love red velvet cake....something has to help me I love/hate food so much why cant I just hate food LOL this would make it so much easier.....