Ready.....Set.....Hike!

So today was my first hike, Brian took me and our friend Mitch up to Multnomah Falls, while it was a gorgeous hike it was also scary for me, for those of you who don't know me or maybe some of you who do know me and don't know this, I am severely afraid of heights, we are talking panic and tears people. Now some of you might be a little suprised at this due to the fact that I have jumped off a 50ft bridge into the reservoir below AND skydived. Perhaps because on those occasions I was somewhat safe whether it was because I was strapped to a professional while skydiving or jumping into a large body of water idk but for some reason when I climb tall heights and have no safety aka a barricade or fence or some sort I start to freak out, and today was no different, not only was the paved trail very uneven and falling apart there were tons upon tons of people coming down and going up and keep in mind the trail is not very wide and in some parts its considerably steep. But I made it to the top of the 600ft waterfall, we had originally planned to do the entire 5.4m loop but after finding out that it went up 1000 more ft we decided not to do it, not to mention by the time we actually got all the way back down and left it was already after 5pm and it was an hour drive home. I am truly exhausted that was pretty much the longest calve workout I have ever done so far lol but i'm sure my body will thank me after it gets over the pure shock of what I did to it today. Well only a few more days until Hawaii and I haven't even started packing eek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I smell change on the wind.....

Today was an interesting day, I attended my first ever morning wedding (11am) and I don't know if it's the fact that i'm becoming delusional from lack of sleep due to the fact that I cannot get comfortable when I sleep which therefore keeps me up all night or if it's the fact that I haven't been able to really hit the gym in about 3 weeks or maybe it was even the fact that I had to go commando today with the dress I was wearing (lol) but the fact is that I took a look in the mirror and when I did I found motivation. My life is passing me by and while i'm enjoying it i'm not happy. I'm miserable body wise, I haven't REALLY dressed up in weeks, I never wear makeup to work anymore, for the last couple weeks I haven't even really done my hair, i've showered and let it air dry and then just threw it up in a messy top knot (which btw i'm getting really good at ha ha ) I also haven't worn a pair of heels in I don't even know how long...which is sad considering I have so many pairs of them, some of which haven't even been worn yet~ As I was going through my clothes trying to figure out what would fit and what wouldn't for Hawaii it shocked me that only 1 pair of my shorts actually fit me and don't cause a muffin top, the other pairs are 2 sizes too small and won't even go across my wide hips even if I were to grease them up with crisco. I have 2 pairs of jeans that fit 1 of which only semi fit and I hate and the other are my recently purchased Buckle jeans that I received as a gift, I haven't even worn them yet because A. I don't want to wear them to work and have them ruined by spray tan solution when cleaning and B it's just been wayyyy too hot. Brian makes me feel amazing and motivates me with suprises like a new workout gear sometimes to help me feel better and want to work out more. I miss the days when I was in the gym for several hours at a time and always left dripping in sweat, I hate the fact that I can't go to the gym right now and I hate the fact that I haven't had time to run this past week because of work and my exhaustion. I hate the fact that I don't have a workout buddy, but then again I can't really say that because when I have someone with me I for some reason don't workout as hard as I do when i'm alone, maybe it's because I can't really have my music on idk. So many things need to change to help me live a healthier lifestyle, I need to make more money so that I can actually afford to buy more healthy groceries and make my own healthy dinners because what my parent's have in the house and make aren't exactly healthy....(we are talking more frozen tv dinners then you can imagine, chocolate, cookies, candy, soda, chips, all of the essentially illegal and off limit things that you shouldn't be around when on a diet.) If I did it once I can do it again, now am I disappointed that I am going back to Hawaii in less than a week weighing almost 20lbs more then I did last year? You bet I am, do I think i'll lose some weight before I go and while on vacation? There is a good chance i'll lose a couple lbs before I leave and while one vacation simply because we will be doing so many activities and practically walking everywhere we go that is within walking distance. We only have a rental car for one day and thats because the shark adventure is on the North Shore and it would cost a lot extra for them to come pick us up, plus this allows us to do all the stuff that is out of walking distance. LOL which that reminds me I need to figure out what things are over there that we can go see and do while we have the rental car...(Ok it's on my list, phew!!) Anyways i'm just sick of looking at all my clothes and shoes and not being able to enjoy wearing them, which btw brings me back to my uncomfortable commando moment, The dress I was wearing today made it impossible to wear underwear with simply because of how clingy it was, if I had worn underwear or even a thong you would know it. The other uncomfortable part was the fact that I have an allbeit interesting shaped lower body, I have wide hips which taper in for a bit heading up and then my lower waist bulges back out, not as wide as my hips but close and then as you continue looking up it cinches back in so it's like I have 2 hourglass shapes on my body not 1 which is really weird to me, I don't know if any of you guys have bodies shaped like that or if i'm the only one lol. Anyways this made me wearing the dress even more uncomfortable because you could clearly see the shape of my overweight body. I wish I could look as good as I feel on the inside, but since thats not possible obviously I need to do some serious damage control, being a little more than 10lbs away from my previous scale tipping weight of 195 does not sit well with me, It actually disgusts me, although I love my body I don't love the fact that all of my weight is in my middle section so no matter what I do I always have a muffin top, I also hate the fact that the top of my arms are nice and toned and the bottom hang there like soggy dough, or the fact that I have wide hips and even wider amounts of fat on top of them. why is it whenever we aren't able to do something we find we want to do it more than when we could do it??? Isn't that how it always is?? Well atleast it seems that way to me. So while I am recouperating I figure now is the perfect time to put together my new weight/cardio routine, not to mention since I have 4 days off before I even leave! And don't worry I will make sure to post my routine, i'm also going to be doing a 30 day challenge courtesy of Jodi Higgs, and her amazing challenges on Facebook! Well my little minions that is all for tonight, i'm simply exhausted and seeing as I am going hiking tomorrow with Brian to Multnomah falls I probably should try and sleep tonight...No one likes a grumpy hiker...just sayin.

Ohhhh....Now I get it

So i'll admit i've been a little perplexed as to why I haven't even really lost ANY weight i've toggled between 182-184 for several weeks now and last night I had a "hand to head" moment. So yes i've been drinking soda so I know thats one reason, but another reason I hadn't really thought of besides that was sodium, in an effort to reduce my soda intake and increase hydration (sorry i'm not a fish I have to force myself to drink water unless its like ice cold and then I guzzle it down) I have been drinking bottles upon bottles of Rain Berry G2 Gatorade (omgsh so delish) thinking that I am doing really well by drinking that instead...um wrong...my little 80 calorie drink is more like 200 calories because lets face it, you finish that bottle of gatorade you don't pour it in a glass and drink the recommended serving size. Well not only is there that little miscommunication I also have found out that each serving has 160mg of sodium! Yes so I am literally drinking 400mg of sodium on top of the sodium that I get from my everyday foods !!!! So there is my extra weight...its water. I'm actually considering taking the water weight loss suppliment after realizing this last night, now do I recommend this for someone else? No but i'm curious to see just how much water I am holding onto because of the fact i've been downing so much gatorade and essentially overloading on electrolytes when i'm not even working out or losing enough of them to need that amount of gatorade. There is less sodium in a 20oz sprite then there is in gatorade! I am dumbfounded by that and the fact that the Sprite is one serving where the gatorade is 2.5 and only 12oz bigger than the bottle of Sprite... Well anyways thats my thoughts for the day, I will let you guys know how the big water weightloss theory plays out, I wish I could just do a fitwrap at work but plain and simple I can't afford it right now so this is the next best thing!!! I'm also thinking a few sauna sessions at my gym will come in handy, Since tomorrow is my last day at work for 2 weeks I definitely have time to do it. Stay tuned for an update !!

Better late then never....

So my deadline is here and i've failed miserably. Hawaii is a little over a week away and i'm nowhere near where I want to be. i'm about 27.8lbs away from it to be exact. and on top of that i'm another 30lbs away from my ultimate goal. Now I realize that part of my weight gain is muscle related so I shouldn't even be looking at a scale let along stepping on one. It's tough when you work out with your boyfriend and you forget that you tend to bulk up easier, So it wasn't the best idea to hit the gym 3 days a week and do more weights then cardio....In the past I got a ton of cardio in the medical field because I was constantly moving even running most days for 8+ hours a day. With my current job I stand stationary and don't move around as much as I would have in my previous job, which is why I decided to start running, great cardio and you burn a TON of calories, i've been running off and on for about 2 weeks (techinically i've been focusing on cardio for 4 weeks but since the last 2 1/2 weeks I haven't been able to run because of tendonitis and a cervical strain in my left shoulder I have just been walking sporatically, the longest walk so far was 6.14 miles last Friday. My doctor has ordered me to not work until i'm on vacation but since its really difficult to try and get shifts covered I am working the rest of this week and then taking next week off entirely. (Brian and I leave for Hawaii on Friday!) So now not only can I not go to the gym but I can't even run, walking is good but it takes forever!! It took my friend Marji and I over two hours to go 6 miles! Way too long if you ask me. Now I am glad that i've lost inches throughout my body but its not enough! I was a borderline size 4 before I got hurt and ballooned back up and now i'm around a size 10 depending on the clothing brand. I've had 6 months to try and lose what was only around 20lbs at the time and now i'm having to lose 7 more on top of that to even get back to where I was at on the way to my final goal. As much as I hate looking in the mirror at myself everyday its not going to change unless I actually start taking my weight seriously, i'm at risk for a lot of things with the amount of fat on my abdomen. My blood pressure thankfully is still normal but there are a whole lot more things that I could end up with if I don't make some serious changes. I've even had some ridiculous thoughts about possibly doing the military diet again before I leave (I did it last time and I made it through it no problem but I don't think it's worth doing it again because it simply just drastically reduces your calorie intake to the point where you lose weight but once you eat normally you just put the weight back on and then some. I've also thought about taking Xpel (essentially it's a super strong laxative and you lose all of your water weight ) but last time I took it I literally could not be more than 2ft from a toilet because you literally get rid of every tiny bit of water/waste you have in your body. I don't think I could ever do that again unless I had good reason (the things we try to lose weight) I also for some reason am never good at long term things like I went without pop for 21+ days and then all of sudden I decided I could just have one pop and now I have them all the time (not in excess but still more than I should) same thing with chocolate, said I would go a month without it and I broke that like 2 days in. I started reading a new diet book (well more of a lifestyle diet, not a lose 20lbs in 6 weeks diet or something like that) I have books on clean eating, eating this instead of that, calorie counts, you on a diet, nutrion almanac and food & mood type books, none of them that I have already started to read have I actually finished...Now am I saying I'm going to start reading this books to hopefully inspire change? It's a possibility. I will definitely be taking several books with me to Hawaii since i'm there for 9 days and I plan on lounging on the beach a lot, it's only natural I should bring a book for not only the plane ride but also to pass the time while on the beach. If Hawaii doesn't count as an event to inspire change then the next event will clearly be my wedding unless we manage to afford another trip to Hawaii or someplace else next year. I almost would rather go someplace else as this will be our second trip to Hawaii together and my third trip altogether, although another island would be better but that's in the future so we will see!  I see so many inspirational blogs with hundreds of followers everytime I go on pinterest, I want to be that inspirational person, I want to be the person people are talking about and the blog that they are following. It definitely is a question of willpower I live in a house with a 7yr old who eats, chocolate and sugary cereal, and soda and all things that I clearly should steer clear from, and meal times? what meal times? When my mom cooks dinner it's not until 7pm or later because when my nephew eats later it works out for him, but for someone who shouldn't eat after 8pm its not a good thing, I purchase healthy pasta only to have it eaten by someone else before I can even try it! There are so many solutions to my problems but none of them seem to work out for me, I buy healthy food but I end up eating out all the time because i'm too tired so the food goes to waste, I make a lunch but then I forget it, or I buy the food only for myself so that I can keep track and it gets eaten. Something always happens it seems like. Healthy food is so much more expensive (and yes you can agree because we know its true!) Why spend 30 minutes making a healthy meal when you can whip through a drive through and have one that is nowhere near healthy in 2? I see advertisements for salads from fast food restaurants like Carls Jr but if you actually examine the calorie count on them based on the serving size they essentially have the same amount of calories as a whopper,big mac or even an entire combo meal! Is this why it's so hard to lose weight? Should I be counting every single calorie that I put into my body? I did a food journal for a little bit but the apps that are out there don't really help as much as they should because a lot of the food that I was eating wasn't in the system so the calories weren't matching up and I had to guess how much calories I was actually eating, perhaps its just writing down what i'm eating and not worrying about the calories that will help me realize just how much negative or bad food that i've been putting into my body will serve as a wake up call, I need to do something because as of right now i'm heading on a path back slowly back up to my original weight of 195 that I was at almost 5 years ago and I told myself I would never go back and I mean't it. Well that's it for today, i'm going to do my best to finish my perfect 10 book while on vacation and then I will let you all know what I think about it! Alohhhaaaa

Runner's high

I can finally say that I'm a runner, I have a love/hate relationship with it I hate it while I'm doing it but I love the feeling after doing it, the first week I actually started doing it I was hooked, I sadly did miss out this week because of a shoulder injury but I'm jumping back in the saddle tomorrow. My first week I logged a little over 14 miles, this last week I only logged 3.19 but again Injury kind of put me out of the game. However I am going to hit 20 miles this week and since I'm doing the 50milesinjuly challenge I need to get back up to speed if I'm going to get it done! I haven't noticed a difference on the scale sadly but I've noticed I've lost an inch around my waist which makes me happy, I've decided to scale back my gym/weights to 2 days a week and focus on cardio 3/5 days a week simply because I've noticed I gain muscle really easily and although I'm lucky once I gain it I don't lose it but its bulky muscle not lean muscle like I want, it may sound vain but my ultimate self goal is to fit into a bandage dress and look good. I also would LOVE to be able to tuck my jeans into a pair of boots and be able to zip up the zipper (very muscular calves) anyways back to the point here. I think I'm finally getting the whole running thing down I definitely need to work on my breathing although Brian's been trying to give me some tips like chewing gum or listening to music to help me push myself harder. I always feel like when in listening to a good song I can go harder and faster not to mention when I'm using my Nike running app hearing the cheers from my friends via Facebook it's a nice motivator the problem is finding more people to run with! I love running with Brian but he's not always available :( anyways I can feel a difference even if I can't see it, Brian says he can see a difference win my stomach but I really just want my stomach, hips and lower arm flab gone, I love my legs minus the little cellulite on the back of my legs and I love the top of my arms but if I could just focus on those spots it would be great but we all know that there is no such thing as spot training! Well I'll give another update after this week! Wish me luck on 20 miles this week :)