I can always get healthier

So i'd like to think that i've been eating healthier lately but lets face it, I still have my days where I will eat subway with chips, cookies and a soda, i'm not perfect and I definitely don't claim to be but there is always room for improvement, the holidays are hard though. I won't lie about that, just the other day I watched my doctor hack the head off of a chocolate santa complete with chocolate coins in his butt. And well as much as I would like to pretend it didn't happen it did, I ate several large parts of it yesterday, today I was better and I didn't touch it but I did touch the box of gushers I got when I purchased despicable me 2 and Fast 6, ( I got pop crunch white and sharp chedder mix w/ fast 6 but haven't touched it) I ate 2 packages of the little juicy devils in a bag and I gave one bag away then put the rest away in my desk. I'm not sure why its so hard this time around, I have the hardest time giving up soda or chocolate and well I think its because i've just been so used to consuming it on either a daily basis or atleast several times a week and well that needs to stop, i've only lost 3lbs so far and i'm pretty sure my diet is a big factor to that, I am working out but not as hard as I used to be, it's been tough trying to work out in the morning before work because even though I go to bed at a decent hour its been so cold in the mornings I just don't want to get out of my warm and toasty bed at 4:15 in the morning, and by the time I get off work I want to rush home in case it decides to dump freezing rain or snow which would make it impossible for me to get home! (lowered car, can't put chains on because they would rip off my bumpers, needless to stay my car would have more of a bulldozing effect than just gliding on top of the snow, not to mention I take several windy backroads to get to work AND my work literally is in the worst place to be during any type of inclimite weather, either way you go you either have to go up a very steep hill or go down a moderately inclined one, there is literally no type of back route to get there, I don't even know how the ambulances do it unless they have chains and studded tires if you can even do that together.) so anyways its been tough and the last week was insane I didn't leave work before 6pm which means I didn't get home until almost 7. Those are the type of days where I wish I had meals planned ahead of time so that if I do get out late its like no big deal I can heat my healthy dinner up in the microwave. But again I never know what time i'll get off, for example today my doctor and I were finished with patients and tasks by 4:25pm and she left, but since we need 2 licenses I had to wait until approximately 5:20 to leave since there was a patient in the building with our other doctor. I mean i'm not complaining I did some organizing at my desk and just relaxed so to speak but there are some days where you just want to get home. I'm hoping that once I live closer to work it'll make it easy when it cuts my commute in half or less than half, not to mention Brian likes to work out in the evening and if i'm off by 6 at the latest I can get a 45min-60min workout in with him and then we can go cook dinner together but i'm talking in the future so I can't really wait for that to come around because the clock is ticking on my overall weightloss challenge. So on the plus side I found out that not only did Brian buy me the bathing suit I was drooling over in Hawaii via FaceTime (It's funny too because its LITERALLY a yellow polka dot bikini, anyone remember the old yogurt commercial with the song? Because I do) anyways its a reversable yellow/black polka dot/striped bikini from volcom, I got the chance to try it on and the sad thing is my butt/hip area is just wayyyy to big/wide for it right now, which I suspected because I told him to get a medium in the knowledge of knowing I will be down to the correct size before October, also I got my clearance bathing suits from Victoria Secret in the mail yesterday too and bottoms fit but of course they can always fit better and look better on me, I love the hot pink and mint green options I chose. So anyways back to my original meaning for this post, eating healthier. So i've decided to start a 30 day challenge not 21 like they normally say will help you break a habit, i'm going for 30. I've even gone as far to label post it notes 1-30 so I actually count down and keep track, I truly believe that this is one of my biggest problems, way back when I was losing weight I ate healthy breakfast and lunch and splurged on dinner but of course I splurged after I did a kwando class on Mondays or Wednesdays so a splurge was in order, i'm still looking for a gym buddy btw!! I get bored with water, I love chocolate chip cookies and reeces candy bars like nobodys business, I am ashamed to say it but my floor is littered with the after effects of them, (I also haven't cleaned my room in like a month so it looks like a bomb dropped on it so its not like I ate 10 peanut butter cups in a day.) Anyways so yeah tomorrow i'm going to go 30 days without any form of chocolate or soda. am I going to suffer? Yes, am I gonna survive
? Yes, i've switched from hot chocolate to apple cider for my mornings when I can't do a coffee. I have done better at distributing and freezing individual meat portions like my turkey, chicken and steak so that I can just grab it out of the freezer and stick it in the fridge to defrost while i'm at work. I just really need to get a new cookbook or something to help me figure out more meals that I can make in under 30 minutes. Because lets face it no one wants to wake up early just to cook an egg, now if I were to boil like 3-4 eggs and refrigerate them so in the morning I can just wake up and take an egg to go that could work. the point i'm getting at here is we can all take an extra step to do it the healthy way. So i've told you my step so the next question is what is yours?

What's your go to dinner?

So for days like these I like to have a go-to meal. I have considered pre-planning meals but I'm the type of person who doesn't like to eat the same thing everyday and I don't have a ton of time to sit and prepare 20 or even 10 meals not to mention I don't have the freezer space at my parents house, when I move out and I'm closer to work, I have my own kitchen and freezer and more time I probably will do that but for now it's not happening, I have started to seperate my chicken and turkey and other meat into individual sized portions that I can just defrost while I'm at work but that's as far as I've gotten so for days like today my go to meal is always taco salad, 2 ingredients and delicious, well ok 3 if you include the spices but it's simple and it's satisfying. Not to mention super healthy since I use ground turkey instead of ground beef. Now do I always do that? If I'm cooking yes if someone else like Brian's mom is then no I'll eat the ground beef but I really can't wait to move out because with Brian around all the time he likes to eat healthy and well he will be influencing my shopping habits :) speaking of habits I need to get back into the gym one and it looks like winter time equals morning gym time for me since the last few times at work I haven't gotten out before 5:45pm maybe I'll have Brian call and wake me up. Speaking of waking up I have to do that in the morning for work and I'm glad it's my Friday tomorrow because I for sure am ready for the weekend!

Healthy food in a mall????????????

So yesterday I started my new calendar workout, the diet is a work in progress, yesterday I traveled down to Eugene to visit Brian while he is down there for work. It actually worked out perfectly because yesterday was a wildcard day so I swam in the pool for about an hour and ended up finishing up my 120 squats in the pool which you might think its easier but its not its hard to keep your feet planted in there! We also walked around both malls for about an hour as well so that burned some calories, I totally scored there and walked away with Victoria Secrets new VSX Sports Bra in hot pink~!!! I also got another bra which its totally cute since it was buy one get one 50% off, I also got a new underarmour headband and nike sweat pants (lets face it, sometimes you just wanna work out in comfy sweats not skin tight leggings) so back to the diet, we were at the mall and if any of you live in eugene and have been to Valley River Center you know there isn't a lot of options well I choose to get a gyro and lets just say trying to eat healthy in a mall is trying to find a needle in a haystack, now I could have gone to subway but call me crazy for trying something newish, I love me some pita bread but this was just wrong, the chicken tasted old, everything tasted old, and I had to go get a slice of pizza otherwise I would have just gotten grumpy, for dinner I had some steak, veggies and mash, I didn't finish the mash of course but after spending almost an hour in the pool, doing squats and walking all over both malls down there definitely works up an appetite. so I splurged. I am excited to get into the gym, today was a home workout so I did my squats, abs and arms, although I didn't do my right arm, I got a TB test injection today and well...I think i'm allergic because my entire right forearm is swollen and really painful :( plus its also supposed to snow tomorrow and well with my car its better as a snow plow then a car driving over snow (yeah its lowered.) Well thats it for today i'm exhausted.

As promised

Hello my friends! As promised I have finished my workout calendar for December and I am rather proud of it! Now I do need to finish up my home/gym workout routines and my wildcard slips that I will put in my jar but other than that it's finished! In less than 2 days I will start the biggest journey of my life! 60lbs by October 1st! I am excited also because Brian and I will be deciding on when in October we will be traveling to Hawaii! I found out I actually get 2 weeks vacation that will accrue per year until I'm there 2 years then it goes up from there so we may be able to stay in Hawaii longer than last time! 10 days would be nice so maybe we will stay an extra day who knows! Either way here is my calendar check it out and tell me what you think :)

Lets get pumped!!!!!

Alright so when I originally started this blog I had 40lbs to lose to get to my goal weight of 125ish well since I gained most of my weight back (i'm still 10lbs less then I originally was when I started my weightloss journey but 20lbs heavier then when I started the blog) I am now at a goal of 60lbs in 10 months, its totally and completely doable, for those who cannot do math that is only 6lbs a month. Brian and I are going back to Hawaii in October next year and well I want to be back down to a size 4 and I wanna be healthy, fit, toned, skinny whatever you wanna call it. So in an attempt to motivate myself I bought a new pair of nike's (on clearance and I scored!!!!!!! Nike has 2 great deals that can be combined at checkout! 25% off of clearance AND free shipping!! just use codes movemore and justdoit for the clearance items and free shipping :) i'm so excited! I need a black pair also but those can wait) and I am buying myself an actual gym back as well that I can keep in my car so I have no excuses! So here is the details of my plan, I printed out blank calendar for the month december and i'm going to color code my workouts i.e.  cardio days, gym days, work out at home days, and throw in a couple twists and turns just to keep it interesting because lets face it, everyone likes routine until they don't then they want spontinaity and then they want routine. So I am giving myself the best of both and i'm taking it month by month. I'm actually really excited about my idea and maybe just maybe it'll motivate others, so here are some ideas I have for the wildcard days, i'm going to have a jar or a cup or something with a whole bunch of random exercise routines written on them and I will throw in a couple of suprises like motivational stuff like have a cookie after you do 150 sqauts or buy yourself a new sports bra, tshirt or something like that just to keep it exciting. But here is the kicker there will only be 1 of each of those in for a month so i'll only get one treat in a month and i'll only get to buy one goodie in a month. If you think about it it is a totally brilliant idea because I will want to obviously get to the treat or goodie, obviously there might be a chance that I get it on the first time or second time but if that happens I will put it back in and shake it up because lets face it thats not motivating at all! So thats the plan, will I make mistakes? Yes, will I feel crazy because lets face it I work 4 10's and i'm on my feet all day (I probably sit a max of 1 hour in my shift total) so I get good cardio at work but it's not enough, and its not consistant enough, every single day is different which is why I love my job (did I mention that i'm going to be able to go in on C-sections and deliveries???? of course its up to the parents but most of them like having another familier face in the room and most I have known or will know them through their entire pregnancy! Needless to say i'm getting off topic but lets face it as a medical assistant you are constantly on your feet trying to stay one step ahead of your doctor, rooming patients, vitals, minor surgery, the list goes on and on, for example on Monday we were completely booked and slammed, my doctor works on 15 min and 30 min time slots and well every single 15 minute slot was booked it seemed with only a couple 30 minute slots in between so I roomed approx 30 patients that day, and thats a lot when you only have 3 rooms to rotate between.....ANYWAYS lol the point I was making is that i'm constantly on my feet so that does count as cardio, the bending, stooping and basically bending over backwards also counts too, haha I love making my doctor happy and she really appreciates the little things which i'm totally not used too!!! Anyways off subject again. So yeah I will post an update once I finish the calendar that i'm working on and here are my new workout/work kicks!! Aren't they awesome????? $52 and some change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally chose a simple workout bag too its a cute black and white chevron print :) well my friends Happy Thanksgiving!!! i'll update when I finish my calendar!

30 Day Squat Challenge

So I'm on day 3 of my 30 day squat challenge, i'm feeling good about the whole process, Since I can't get back into the gym until next month i've decided to just do a challenge at a time, this coupled with the fact that I am very active at my job, yes I mean active, i'm a medical assistant so i'm constantly moving. But of course this also poses a small problem, like for example right now my neck is so tight and I have a huge knot in it, this knot which I have not been able to get rid of actually caused me a migraine a couple weeks ago. That literally took me off my feet for 3 days and not even tramadol and flexeril would make it go away, Brian tried rubbing my back and my neck to get the knots out and well lets just say I ended up bawling in tears because the pain got so bad. Anyways back to my squat challenge, I like this one because it only goes up 5 squats a day which is completely doable, I did 60 today, tomorrow is a rest day. Once I finish this challenge up i'm going to start my ab challenge and finish up with an arm challenge! I will let you guys know how it goes!!

Challenge Accepted

So....Yes it's been over a month since I posted...A lot has happened but one big thing that has happened was the fact that my boyfriend has issued me a challenge..... Get back down to a size four by October of next year and he will help me pay my way to Hawaii next October.....So in summing this up I need to lose 6 sizes and I would guestimate around 35lbs. When I was down to 155 I could fit into a size four but they were definitely tight in my thigh area (lets just say that trying to do the splits would not only be impossible but I wouldn't even make it a quarter of the way down...thats how tight they were) Anyways So I have 1 year from today which gives me more than enough time to lose that much and hopefully a lot more. Right now due to $$$ issues my gym membership is on hold so i'll be doing my workouts at home and hopefully a lot of running, problem is i'm not a fair weather runner....Any tips on how I can become one??? I can run in extreme heat no problem so why not rain and snow? Ok maybe not snow but rain....Wish my room was bigger I would put my parent's treadmill in my room and just do it that way but i'd get bored easily...I used to have netflix so when I was on the treadmill or eliptical at the gym I just did it that way and it was easy catching up on my favorite shows....But seeing as I cannot afford netflix i'll just have to run outside....Yesterday I happened to catch a side view of myself in the mirror sitting down in a hunched position and for a split second I was like that's not me.....then I realized it is.....I keep making excuses and well excuses aren't going to help me now are they....So tomorrow the running begins, i'm going to the do 48 miles in October Challenge...i'm 4 days behind so I have some making up to do, and i'm also just taking it a day at a time for right now until I get back into the swing of things, I think my problem has been i'm always trying to wait and figure out the perfect workout routine and schedule it down to the T (i'm ocd sometimes....) and as Brian put it, just take it a day at a time, just do an exercise a day (or more obviously lol)  and he's right, I still wish I could get a couple sessions with a trainer because honestly thats what got me going last time but for right now I do not have the funds or the membership (on hold remember?) to do it so i'm on my own....If anyone has any ideas of home workouts that have worked for them pass them on! I have weights, I have stairs, I have 20 acres...(although its super muddy ick) so I just need ideas of simple ones I can do in my room I might even check out the bodyrock.tv and see what they have, I hear they are brutal but effective workouts so maybe thats the route I need to do while i'm out of the gym. Well for now thats my challenge...I will keep you all updated weekly with my progress as there is no point in doing it daily because lets face it...boring!!!! Ha ha

The Perfect 10 Diet Day 3

Alright well after today i'm going to switch to weekly updates, no one wants to hear what I eat every single day! LOL well since I finally got to the grocery store and spent $40 (not bad I bought mostly produce/fruits and I spent $6.99 on a giant thing of ground turkey) Breakfast consisted of cereal again (big shocker) lunch was a grilled piece of chicken and edamame and for dinner...oh my I had a taco salad with ground turkey and no tortilla chips, it was super delish, for dessert i'm going to be having some vanilla yogurt that I found at safeway thats organic and some diced strawberries...YUM!!!! Well thats it for my day today, from now on it'll be weekly updates so I don't bore my readers! :)

The Perfect 10 Diet...Day 2

Alright so Day 2 is drawing to a close, If it takes 21 days to break a habit then I know the worse is yet to come but I can do it. Todays meals were about the same (btw I cannot wait to go grocery shopping tomorrow! I won't be spending a ton but i'll be able to get some basic essentials so i'm excited) Breakfast consisted of my trusty whole wheat honey nut o's with whole milk, lunch consisted of edamame (which is basically the only type of soy you can have because of the fact that it's not as processed as other types of soy such as tofu and temeph) and celery with peanut butter which I used very minimally as it's not part of the perfect 10 diet (but since I need protein well that was my option) I skipped the optional midmorning and midafternoon snack because right now i'm in sedentary. And for dinner I opted for grilled chicken tenders with my favorite seasoning and a fistful of pasta (unfortunately not whole grain as well) with a tablespoon of ragu. So far today i've had 3 8oz glasses of water. I'm slowly trying to increase my intake of water but i'm trying a different technique, in the past I would just chug water quickly to reach my daily goal but after doing so I would literally have to pee like every 10 minutes. So my plan is to increase my water intake by a glass a day so essentially in a few more days i'll be up to 8 glasses a day and it will be a lot easier, i've thought about dressing up my water with limes and other fruits but I haven't had the chance yet without the obvious groceries (ha ha) But I will definitely be loading up on fruits and veggies so that I can satisfy my sweet tooth without sidelining my diet. This book has been so eye opening in so many different ways and i'm so excited to see the results!!! I took my measurements yesterday and i'm just sticking with the basics right now until I can get back into the gym and then I will take more measurements. I'm ready, its not easy this diet is definitely not a cake walk but i'm sticking with it. It's hard going from one way of life and thinking that you are eating healthy and essentially getting a slap in the face and telling you that you are doing it all wrong. Low fat/Low carb is wrong High fat/Low carb is wrong, granted I never liked diet soda minus Diet Dr. Pepper so that wasn't a shocker at all but the fact that soybean oil is cancer causing?? And its in EVERYTHING???? I never really used to look at the ingredients, I looked at the calories and the fats but never the ingredients....I love the fact that this book breaks everything down and it's convenient even down to shopping lists and recipes...once your past the 3 week mark essentially it's everything in moderation and just eating clean and avoiding processed food and enjoying things like butter and full fat cottage cheese and cheese and lobster (omg I love lobster) and shrimp and all the good things in life that you are told to avoid. This has had not only an effect on me but an effect on those around me, Brian is now taking things from this book and putting them into action, for once I am informing him of new things and stuff he didn't know about processed foods etc whereas in the past he was always telling me. Now you might be asking well do you feel hungry?? Yes and no, right now because I don't have all the necessary ingredients I can't really have the portions that I would have according to the book. So right now I feel hungry in between lunch and dinner but instead of reaching for a snack I just drink some water and it tames the hunger, I will get used to the regime that is outlined in the book in time. about an hour ago I was craving a chocolate bar so bad and truth be told I know where a couple are but i'm not going to touch them. Yesterday I forgot to mention that I had some and even though it didn't really derail me because I am allowed to induldge here and there and I definitely didn't feel guilty after I did it because I did stop myself but I know it'll definitely be easier when I have sweet fruits in the house that I can eat should I have a sugar/chocolate craving. So you might be asking whats different, well truth be told this is for me. I'm not getting any younger and I when Brian and I get married someday and go on our honeymoon or when we go on our next trip to Hawaii I want to wear my bikini without covering up, I want to be able to wear a skirt without my thighs rubbing together which if any of you have experienced that its horrible because you get a really bad rash that hurts :( I also want to buy that bandage dress and wear it with confidence, I want to wear the wedding dress that I want not settle for something so that I can hide my body. It's so funny how motivation comes about, its like you see something and one day a lightbulb goes off in your head....and it all makes sense, a plan is formed and you take action. It's that simple and thats how this is going to be....simple and uncomplicated, eat less processed food, get my hormones in order and lose weight, hit the gym so that I can tone up and feel proud. Well thats all for tonight, tomorrow I go back to work so I will probably have to have a snack but we will see how the day goes. Stay tuned!

 

 

Hips: 45"

Waist: 39"

Chest: 40"

Day 1

Okay so I've pretty much finished reading "The perfect 10 diet" and I have to say I love it, it's simplified and every question that popped into my head was answered, the first 3 weeks are going to be the toughest ESPECIALLY since I can't clean out the pantry and I have absolutely no money to buy groceries, it does look like I will be able to buy some later this week so in the mean time I'm trying to stick to it closely as possible. Stage 1 is a Paleolithic diet I can only have vegetables, fruits, poultry, seafood, beans, nuts and seeds. While grains are introduced back into my diet in stage two. Anyways so I eat 3 meals a day tapering off as I go, ie large breakfast, medium lunch and small dinner. I also have the option of 2 snacks which I will add in once I get back into the gym. So since I don't have a ton of groceries today was interesting, thankfully Brian scoured the health food stores and found me the healthiest alternative of honey nut Cheerios at Whole Foods, it's really yummy and as closed to unprocessed as you can get! No high fructose corn syrup or any nasty ingredients and when it's mixed with some organic whole milk well it's a treat that wont push me off my path :) so that was breakfast for lunch I had some celery with peanut butter and chips and salsa, (heathly chips!) again tortilla chips and the peanut butter aren't part of the diet but im scrounging here and it's definitely better than most of the stuff we have left in the refrigerator since I just threw 2 trash bags full of nasty stuff out. Anyways onto dinner, I had celery with peanut butter again and a slice of grilled chicken with some yummy seasoning I got from penzy's spices in clackamas. Tomorrow will be interesting, going to try to mix things up but I can't wait til Wednesday when I can stock my fridge up with organic produce and hormone free meat, it'll be more $$$ but so worth it in the long run!

12 week 24lb challenge

Alright I'm back from my vacation in Hawaii! I loved every minute of it and I can't wait to go back there or possibly somewhere more tropical next year, and while it was a vacation Brian and I pretty much walked everywhere we could, even doing 11 miles in one day which is a personal best for me (I have the blisters to prove it!) I didn't keep perfect track but a rough estimate would be that we did above 20 miles in the 9 days we were there which I'm really happy with, we only got to do 1 hike because we actually were there during tropical storm Flossie! So 4 out of the 9 days were rainy and just not fun. So anyways I'm starting a new challenge my shoulder is feeling better and although its not 100% better I don't want to wait, I'm super stoked to get back to running and the gym (yes I miss the gym) I didn't make it to my goal this vacation and you can bet I won't make that mistake again! I've got a year to lose 55lbs (stupid weight gain) and I'm ready to shed the pounds for good! I've decided to break it down into 12 week challenges that way I don't get distracted by thinking oh I have 8 months left or 6 or 3 or whatever it's no I've got 3 weeks to lose so many lbs, the minimum goal is 2lbs a week I'm doing it the healthy way again and if I lose more than 2 a week that's awesome I really want to keep losing inches in my waist as well I can't wait to have a flat stomach, I've never had one for as long as I can remember, well the jet lag still has a grip on me so I need to get some sleep so I can get back on Oregon time and off Hawaiian time. Goodnight!

Ready.....Set.....Hike!

So today was my first hike, Brian took me and our friend Mitch up to Multnomah Falls, while it was a gorgeous hike it was also scary for me, for those of you who don't know me or maybe some of you who do know me and don't know this, I am severely afraid of heights, we are talking panic and tears people. Now some of you might be a little suprised at this due to the fact that I have jumped off a 50ft bridge into the reservoir below AND skydived. Perhaps because on those occasions I was somewhat safe whether it was because I was strapped to a professional while skydiving or jumping into a large body of water idk but for some reason when I climb tall heights and have no safety aka a barricade or fence or some sort I start to freak out, and today was no different, not only was the paved trail very uneven and falling apart there were tons upon tons of people coming down and going up and keep in mind the trail is not very wide and in some parts its considerably steep. But I made it to the top of the 600ft waterfall, we had originally planned to do the entire 5.4m loop but after finding out that it went up 1000 more ft we decided not to do it, not to mention by the time we actually got all the way back down and left it was already after 5pm and it was an hour drive home. I am truly exhausted that was pretty much the longest calve workout I have ever done so far lol but i'm sure my body will thank me after it gets over the pure shock of what I did to it today. Well only a few more days until Hawaii and I haven't even started packing eek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I smell change on the wind.....

Today was an interesting day, I attended my first ever morning wedding (11am) and I don't know if it's the fact that i'm becoming delusional from lack of sleep due to the fact that I cannot get comfortable when I sleep which therefore keeps me up all night or if it's the fact that I haven't been able to really hit the gym in about 3 weeks or maybe it was even the fact that I had to go commando today with the dress I was wearing (lol) but the fact is that I took a look in the mirror and when I did I found motivation. My life is passing me by and while i'm enjoying it i'm not happy. I'm miserable body wise, I haven't REALLY dressed up in weeks, I never wear makeup to work anymore, for the last couple weeks I haven't even really done my hair, i've showered and let it air dry and then just threw it up in a messy top knot (which btw i'm getting really good at ha ha ) I also haven't worn a pair of heels in I don't even know how long...which is sad considering I have so many pairs of them, some of which haven't even been worn yet~ As I was going through my clothes trying to figure out what would fit and what wouldn't for Hawaii it shocked me that only 1 pair of my shorts actually fit me and don't cause a muffin top, the other pairs are 2 sizes too small and won't even go across my wide hips even if I were to grease them up with crisco. I have 2 pairs of jeans that fit 1 of which only semi fit and I hate and the other are my recently purchased Buckle jeans that I received as a gift, I haven't even worn them yet because A. I don't want to wear them to work and have them ruined by spray tan solution when cleaning and B it's just been wayyyy too hot. Brian makes me feel amazing and motivates me with suprises like a new workout gear sometimes to help me feel better and want to work out more. I miss the days when I was in the gym for several hours at a time and always left dripping in sweat, I hate the fact that I can't go to the gym right now and I hate the fact that I haven't had time to run this past week because of work and my exhaustion. I hate the fact that I don't have a workout buddy, but then again I can't really say that because when I have someone with me I for some reason don't workout as hard as I do when i'm alone, maybe it's because I can't really have my music on idk. So many things need to change to help me live a healthier lifestyle, I need to make more money so that I can actually afford to buy more healthy groceries and make my own healthy dinners because what my parent's have in the house and make aren't exactly healthy....(we are talking more frozen tv dinners then you can imagine, chocolate, cookies, candy, soda, chips, all of the essentially illegal and off limit things that you shouldn't be around when on a diet.) If I did it once I can do it again, now am I disappointed that I am going back to Hawaii in less than a week weighing almost 20lbs more then I did last year? You bet I am, do I think i'll lose some weight before I go and while on vacation? There is a good chance i'll lose a couple lbs before I leave and while one vacation simply because we will be doing so many activities and practically walking everywhere we go that is within walking distance. We only have a rental car for one day and thats because the shark adventure is on the North Shore and it would cost a lot extra for them to come pick us up, plus this allows us to do all the stuff that is out of walking distance. LOL which that reminds me I need to figure out what things are over there that we can go see and do while we have the rental car...(Ok it's on my list, phew!!) Anyways i'm just sick of looking at all my clothes and shoes and not being able to enjoy wearing them, which btw brings me back to my uncomfortable commando moment, The dress I was wearing today made it impossible to wear underwear with simply because of how clingy it was, if I had worn underwear or even a thong you would know it. The other uncomfortable part was the fact that I have an allbeit interesting shaped lower body, I have wide hips which taper in for a bit heading up and then my lower waist bulges back out, not as wide as my hips but close and then as you continue looking up it cinches back in so it's like I have 2 hourglass shapes on my body not 1 which is really weird to me, I don't know if any of you guys have bodies shaped like that or if i'm the only one lol. Anyways this made me wearing the dress even more uncomfortable because you could clearly see the shape of my overweight body. I wish I could look as good as I feel on the inside, but since thats not possible obviously I need to do some serious damage control, being a little more than 10lbs away from my previous scale tipping weight of 195 does not sit well with me, It actually disgusts me, although I love my body I don't love the fact that all of my weight is in my middle section so no matter what I do I always have a muffin top, I also hate the fact that the top of my arms are nice and toned and the bottom hang there like soggy dough, or the fact that I have wide hips and even wider amounts of fat on top of them. why is it whenever we aren't able to do something we find we want to do it more than when we could do it??? Isn't that how it always is?? Well atleast it seems that way to me. So while I am recouperating I figure now is the perfect time to put together my new weight/cardio routine, not to mention since I have 4 days off before I even leave! And don't worry I will make sure to post my routine, i'm also going to be doing a 30 day challenge courtesy of Jodi Higgs, and her amazing challenges on Facebook! Well my little minions that is all for tonight, i'm simply exhausted and seeing as I am going hiking tomorrow with Brian to Multnomah falls I probably should try and sleep tonight...No one likes a grumpy hiker...just sayin.

Ohhhh....Now I get it

So i'll admit i've been a little perplexed as to why I haven't even really lost ANY weight i've toggled between 182-184 for several weeks now and last night I had a "hand to head" moment. So yes i've been drinking soda so I know thats one reason, but another reason I hadn't really thought of besides that was sodium, in an effort to reduce my soda intake and increase hydration (sorry i'm not a fish I have to force myself to drink water unless its like ice cold and then I guzzle it down) I have been drinking bottles upon bottles of Rain Berry G2 Gatorade (omgsh so delish) thinking that I am doing really well by drinking that instead...um wrong...my little 80 calorie drink is more like 200 calories because lets face it, you finish that bottle of gatorade you don't pour it in a glass and drink the recommended serving size. Well not only is there that little miscommunication I also have found out that each serving has 160mg of sodium! Yes so I am literally drinking 400mg of sodium on top of the sodium that I get from my everyday foods !!!! So there is my extra weight...its water. I'm actually considering taking the water weight loss suppliment after realizing this last night, now do I recommend this for someone else? No but i'm curious to see just how much water I am holding onto because of the fact i've been downing so much gatorade and essentially overloading on electrolytes when i'm not even working out or losing enough of them to need that amount of gatorade. There is less sodium in a 20oz sprite then there is in gatorade! I am dumbfounded by that and the fact that the Sprite is one serving where the gatorade is 2.5 and only 12oz bigger than the bottle of Sprite... Well anyways thats my thoughts for the day, I will let you guys know how the big water weightloss theory plays out, I wish I could just do a fitwrap at work but plain and simple I can't afford it right now so this is the next best thing!!! I'm also thinking a few sauna sessions at my gym will come in handy, Since tomorrow is my last day at work for 2 weeks I definitely have time to do it. Stay tuned for an update !!

Better late then never....

So my deadline is here and i've failed miserably. Hawaii is a little over a week away and i'm nowhere near where I want to be. i'm about 27.8lbs away from it to be exact. and on top of that i'm another 30lbs away from my ultimate goal. Now I realize that part of my weight gain is muscle related so I shouldn't even be looking at a scale let along stepping on one. It's tough when you work out with your boyfriend and you forget that you tend to bulk up easier, So it wasn't the best idea to hit the gym 3 days a week and do more weights then cardio....In the past I got a ton of cardio in the medical field because I was constantly moving even running most days for 8+ hours a day. With my current job I stand stationary and don't move around as much as I would have in my previous job, which is why I decided to start running, great cardio and you burn a TON of calories, i've been running off and on for about 2 weeks (techinically i've been focusing on cardio for 4 weeks but since the last 2 1/2 weeks I haven't been able to run because of tendonitis and a cervical strain in my left shoulder I have just been walking sporatically, the longest walk so far was 6.14 miles last Friday. My doctor has ordered me to not work until i'm on vacation but since its really difficult to try and get shifts covered I am working the rest of this week and then taking next week off entirely. (Brian and I leave for Hawaii on Friday!) So now not only can I not go to the gym but I can't even run, walking is good but it takes forever!! It took my friend Marji and I over two hours to go 6 miles! Way too long if you ask me. Now I am glad that i've lost inches throughout my body but its not enough! I was a borderline size 4 before I got hurt and ballooned back up and now i'm around a size 10 depending on the clothing brand. I've had 6 months to try and lose what was only around 20lbs at the time and now i'm having to lose 7 more on top of that to even get back to where I was at on the way to my final goal. As much as I hate looking in the mirror at myself everyday its not going to change unless I actually start taking my weight seriously, i'm at risk for a lot of things with the amount of fat on my abdomen. My blood pressure thankfully is still normal but there are a whole lot more things that I could end up with if I don't make some serious changes. I've even had some ridiculous thoughts about possibly doing the military diet again before I leave (I did it last time and I made it through it no problem but I don't think it's worth doing it again because it simply just drastically reduces your calorie intake to the point where you lose weight but once you eat normally you just put the weight back on and then some. I've also thought about taking Xpel (essentially it's a super strong laxative and you lose all of your water weight ) but last time I took it I literally could not be more than 2ft from a toilet because you literally get rid of every tiny bit of water/waste you have in your body. I don't think I could ever do that again unless I had good reason (the things we try to lose weight) I also for some reason am never good at long term things like I went without pop for 21+ days and then all of sudden I decided I could just have one pop and now I have them all the time (not in excess but still more than I should) same thing with chocolate, said I would go a month without it and I broke that like 2 days in. I started reading a new diet book (well more of a lifestyle diet, not a lose 20lbs in 6 weeks diet or something like that) I have books on clean eating, eating this instead of that, calorie counts, you on a diet, nutrion almanac and food & mood type books, none of them that I have already started to read have I actually finished...Now am I saying I'm going to start reading this books to hopefully inspire change? It's a possibility. I will definitely be taking several books with me to Hawaii since i'm there for 9 days and I plan on lounging on the beach a lot, it's only natural I should bring a book for not only the plane ride but also to pass the time while on the beach. If Hawaii doesn't count as an event to inspire change then the next event will clearly be my wedding unless we manage to afford another trip to Hawaii or someplace else next year. I almost would rather go someplace else as this will be our second trip to Hawaii together and my third trip altogether, although another island would be better but that's in the future so we will see!  I see so many inspirational blogs with hundreds of followers everytime I go on pinterest, I want to be that inspirational person, I want to be the person people are talking about and the blog that they are following. It definitely is a question of willpower I live in a house with a 7yr old who eats, chocolate and sugary cereal, and soda and all things that I clearly should steer clear from, and meal times? what meal times? When my mom cooks dinner it's not until 7pm or later because when my nephew eats later it works out for him, but for someone who shouldn't eat after 8pm its not a good thing, I purchase healthy pasta only to have it eaten by someone else before I can even try it! There are so many solutions to my problems but none of them seem to work out for me, I buy healthy food but I end up eating out all the time because i'm too tired so the food goes to waste, I make a lunch but then I forget it, or I buy the food only for myself so that I can keep track and it gets eaten. Something always happens it seems like. Healthy food is so much more expensive (and yes you can agree because we know its true!) Why spend 30 minutes making a healthy meal when you can whip through a drive through and have one that is nowhere near healthy in 2? I see advertisements for salads from fast food restaurants like Carls Jr but if you actually examine the calorie count on them based on the serving size they essentially have the same amount of calories as a whopper,big mac or even an entire combo meal! Is this why it's so hard to lose weight? Should I be counting every single calorie that I put into my body? I did a food journal for a little bit but the apps that are out there don't really help as much as they should because a lot of the food that I was eating wasn't in the system so the calories weren't matching up and I had to guess how much calories I was actually eating, perhaps its just writing down what i'm eating and not worrying about the calories that will help me realize just how much negative or bad food that i've been putting into my body will serve as a wake up call, I need to do something because as of right now i'm heading on a path back slowly back up to my original weight of 195 that I was at almost 5 years ago and I told myself I would never go back and I mean't it. Well that's it for today, i'm going to do my best to finish my perfect 10 book while on vacation and then I will let you all know what I think about it! Alohhhaaaa

Runner's high

I can finally say that I'm a runner, I have a love/hate relationship with it I hate it while I'm doing it but I love the feeling after doing it, the first week I actually started doing it I was hooked, I sadly did miss out this week because of a shoulder injury but I'm jumping back in the saddle tomorrow. My first week I logged a little over 14 miles, this last week I only logged 3.19 but again Injury kind of put me out of the game. However I am going to hit 20 miles this week and since I'm doing the 50milesinjuly challenge I need to get back up to speed if I'm going to get it done! I haven't noticed a difference on the scale sadly but I've noticed I've lost an inch around my waist which makes me happy, I've decided to scale back my gym/weights to 2 days a week and focus on cardio 3/5 days a week simply because I've noticed I gain muscle really easily and although I'm lucky once I gain it I don't lose it but its bulky muscle not lean muscle like I want, it may sound vain but my ultimate self goal is to fit into a bandage dress and look good. I also would LOVE to be able to tuck my jeans into a pair of boots and be able to zip up the zipper (very muscular calves) anyways back to the point here. I think I'm finally getting the whole running thing down I definitely need to work on my breathing although Brian's been trying to give me some tips like chewing gum or listening to music to help me push myself harder. I always feel like when in listening to a good song I can go harder and faster not to mention when I'm using my Nike running app hearing the cheers from my friends via Facebook it's a nice motivator the problem is finding more people to run with! I love running with Brian but he's not always available :( anyways I can feel a difference even if I can't see it, Brian says he can see a difference win my stomach but I really just want my stomach, hips and lower arm flab gone, I love my legs minus the little cellulite on the back of my legs and I love the top of my arms but if I could just focus on those spots it would be great but we all know that there is no such thing as spot training! Well I'll give another update after this week! Wish me luck on 20 miles this week :)

Sore is the new sexy

So the first week of running is over, I logged 16.01 miles in 7 days, granted I would have logged more but I took a couple days off because in the beginning I was sore. I've decided I want to do the haus girls challenge on instagram 50 miles in July, i'm really excited, i'm still struggling with going long distances without stopping but I am getting a lot better at that, today I went almost 2 blocks without stopping (granted these are suburb blocks but still) I did 4.36 miles today alone and i'm proud to say atleast half, if not more of that was running, I did get a super bad blister aboud 3/4th's of the way so that kind of slowed me down since it really hurt, i've never gotten a blister right below the ball of my left foot. I really need to get some "real" running shoes, i've always gone for looks and comfort but never in the running aspect of comfort and now that i'm pounding the pavement I want to upgrade my sneakers when I have the money. (When is the key word here) Brian has told me when I show him that i'm actually going to do it he will buy me new stuff so that is my motivation there. Not to mention i'm not getting any younger so if I wanna get back into shape and finish my challenge that I originally charged myself with almost 2 years ago ( I can't believe it's been that long since I lost the first 40lbs) Now that i'm back up to 183 (granted I have gained quite a bit of muscle in my legs since I started doing more weights and not enough cardio, kind of the opposite way for me to lose weight ha ha) i've now realized my mistake and am switching to more cardio less weights, the plan right now is to run 3-5 days a week and only do weights 2 days a week. I still need to come up with a new gym plan because I can honestly say i've plateaued in my workouts and I just don't feel sore like I do now from running, i'm also starting a food challenge, i'm cutting out foods that are a problem for me like soda and chocolate, its going to be tough but I think my food intake is holding me back I eat Subway a lot and its not always healthy, I drink pop more than I should and I have chocolate everyday. Not to mention i've eaten some fried foods recently and always regret it after I do. I already know what it tastes like so I don't need it!!!! I spend wayyy too much money eating out even if it is Subway (some of my choices...not so healthy) i'm a sucker for the Cold Cut Trio, Roasted Chicken (btw this has 1,000mg of sodium in 1 of the pieces of chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that doesn't even include the sodium in the toppings, sauces and bread!) and Chicken Bacon Ranch (so good but so bad!)  anyway back to the subject i'm going to cut things like that out of my diet right now, I want to possibly try gluten free but that is definitely a committment and will involve some planning and ahead of time shopping so that I can actually get gluten free stuff and have recipes handy! I've got 26 days until I leave for Hawaii and I plan to be atleast a few inches thinner in areas and ready to tackle Staircase to Heaven as well...Tomorrow is a new week and my goal is 20 miles this week so off to bed I go to get my beauty sleep!

Down to the wire...

Well it's 28 days until Oahu and i'm no where near my goal of 160 i'm still sadly at 180ish I weighed myself last night (after eating dinner) and I was at 183, but I can honestly say that i've gained muscle weight my legs are a whole lot more defined now, I think I might have been doing too much weights and not enough cardio so i've been upping my cardio, Saturday I walked 5.5 miles, Monday I did 2.5 miles, tues I only did a little less than a mile because I rolled my ankle slighty (i'm better now) and Wednesday I did some weight training, i'm giving myself a break today but tomorrow I will be running/walking the trail at the golf course or something similiar, my hope is to do 3 miles with 2 of those miles being just running, its a slow steady start but i'm in this for the long run. I've decided i'm okay with not not getting to my goal by July 25th but you can bet i'll be working out 5 days a week doing cardio and weight training and i'm gonna push myself to get as close to it as possible! It feels good to be "running" again and I say it sparingly because I am not in runners shape right now so its walking a little bit running a little bit trying to go for longer and longer distances each time, I really need another buddy, Brian is great but he can run a lot farther and longer than me because my stamina isn't where it needs to be, i've decided to do a 30 day ab and arm challenge (well more like 26 since I leave on the 26 and lets face it I may not be worrying about it while i'm in Hawaii) i'm just waiting for the person to post it so I can follow! Well i'm off to sleep because its been a long week thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!!!

I want to throw out my scale.....

Okay so it's been awhile since I posted an update, still struggling with food choices and gym time and although I feel my clothes fitting a tiny tiny tiny tiny bit better everytime I jump on the scale the numbers jump so randomly its horrible, one day i'm at 173 the next day i'm at 179 I don't know whats going on inside my body for real. I can say my monday workout left me sore until today pretty much, I did my regular workout and then did my first kick boxing class. It was insane, I did make it through the entire class but I couldn't do all the moves so I just kind of did what I knew how to do while they were doing stuff I couldn't keep up with. Since today is my day off i'm waiting for Brian to get off work and then we are going to the gym together, ha it's funny I spent so much time in the sauna on monday my Iphone5 actually shut off because the temperature was too much for it. I'm starting to think that only 3 days a week at the gym aren't going to be enough to get me down in time for Hawaii which is in 69 days.... Now i'm not expecting a miraculous weight loss and to be super trim and fit for Hawaii but I would still like to get down to 155 in 69 days which can be done I guess I just have to step it up even more...and yes I know its just a number and muscle does weigh more than fat but I need some motivational buddies!!! Hopefully once the weather starts getting better again I can start running outside, I know that really helped me out a lot and I think weights 3 days a week and cardio 2-3x a week will just make it melt off, i've also realized that I need to scale it down a notch in the gym because I always end up overdoing it and have to take off 2-3 days because i'm just too sore and then it just throws off my entire week. The point is to feel sore not feel like I was put through a meat grinder. I know stress is a big factor for me right now, which is causing me to make poor food choices and just want gross food that I regret 5 seconds after I put it in my mouth. I guess it's time for killer mode...there's a war on fat and i'm gonna lead the victory team...... I'll post some updated pictures soon!!! And again any stories of triumph or tips are always appreciated!!!

I'll take a gym challenge with a side of vitamins and measurements please?

Wow.... I am sore I haven't worked out that hard in a long time. It felt so good though to really push myself, when I first got off work I had the ughhh maybe I don't want to go but I was like just go and atleast start it and after I did that I ended up finishing strong, I worked out all my groups and did 30 minutes on the Eliptical which I haven't done in who knows how long. I can definitely feel that I will be sore tomorrow,  not to mention I felt like my calves were going to explode when I was doing calf raises with 90lb weights on and then doing the eliptical...I don't think I overdid it today but I guess tomorrow will tell after my day of rest and  then back at the gym on Wednesday! So in regards to my 3/30 day gym challenge this was day 1 of 3 this week and then 30 days of going to the gym (it's not a good idea to go to the gym everyday and since I do get some cardio at work cleaning beds and constanstly moving around I can skip Tuesdays and Thursdays or cardio days as they would be, not to mention I do both cardio and weights at the gym on Monday/Wednesday/Friday (well I did and  that is still the plan)
 I still feel funny when i'm at the gym like everyone is staring at me  because i'm overweight lol (I realize this isn't true because it's better that i'm in the gym trying to lose the weight then not but still I guess i'm self conscious (lol) I seriously doubt people are staring at me unless its because they are admiring my workout gear haha. Okay so anyways i've done away with calorie counting, honestly it was just too hard and not too mention some things weren't listed and it's just not as easy, I am going to be conscious of portion sizes and calories that I am putting in my mouth but i'm just not going to be strictly counting them, especially since I am back in the gym and am going to be burning an average of 300-500 calories each gym session. Last time I had my 40lb weight loss I wasn't counting calories I was just going to the gym 3-4x a week and I still pretty much ate what I wanted (well on occasion)  I think i'm just gonna do what I did last time, it worked once and it will work again. Plus I am also going to make sure I take my vitamins every morning because I can really tell a difference when I forget to take them for a day or two even.

Current Vitamin List:

Fish Oil 1240mg (2 tab)

Biotin 1000mg

Vitamin D 1000mg (2 tab)

Evening Primrose Oil 1000mg

B-12 1000mcg

B-6 100mg

Multivitamin

Vitamin C 500mg

 

Brian Likes to make fun of the fact that he keeps me medicated (lol ) he was actually the person who turned me onto taking B-6 and B-12 because I suffered from really bad emotional spurts and mood swings and I couldn't figure out why btw in case you were wondering here are the facts on B-12 (B12 helps create a stable balance of mental and emotional happiness by facilitating neurotransmitters, which the brain uses to signal mood and emotion regulators) anyways that along with B-6 really helped me kind of stable out and needless to say when I forget to take them for a couple days you can definitely tell...I just sometimes hate taking 10 vitamins a day (not to mention my bc that I also have to take.) So yeah a total of 11 pills a day I take, i'm getting better at taking them with water but before I would only take them with juice or milk but unfortunately i've had some bad experiences with milk and it ends up going all over myself and my bed because a pill gets stuck and then decides it wants to go up not down!!

So i've also decided to start recording my measurements every week so that I can really see the difference on paper and not just on the scale so for Week 1 here are my measurements and weight:

Chest 39"

Rt Arm 12 1/4"

Left Arm 12 1/4"

Rt Leg 23"

Lt Leg 23"

Stomach 40"

Hips 44"

Rt Calf 16 1/2"

Lt Calf 16"

Weight 176.6

 

 

I find myself toggling between 175 and 177 granted each day is totally different but now that I have my schedule somewhat steadied this means I can have my eating habits and gym workouts steady too!!! Ha ha I do regret saying I want to feel sore because now I do and i'm like ugh I have to work tomorrow?? LOL oh well stay tuned~!

Hmmm maybe I should try this a different way....

So this weekend I've been bad, Friday night was tenderloin steaks with Brian, yesterday it was sandwiches at Great Harvest (I did get a healthy one though but still you never know) followed by grande nachos and chocolate cake at the Winterhawks game, thankfully I did stick to water even though I was seriously tempted to have a soda when I saw them coming to the room but I stuck to my guns on that part, wish I could be that like when it came to chocolate or nachos or anything from the bad foods group. But I'm not perfect and I've still got a ways to go. My size 10 jeans finally had it yesterday and Brian took me to buy a new pair I fell in love with a pair of silvers jeans that were just tight enough that I could still lose weight but lose enough that I didn't have a ginormous muffin top, sadly they were $88 and Brian didnt want to spend that on something I was just going to shrink out of, so in the end we bought a cheap pair of old navy jeans and as soon as we got back to hit house he proceeded to rip the shreds out of my jeans lol (I think he enjoyed it entirely too much) the worst part about jean shopping is finding jeans that fit me in the waist and in the hips it's not easy oh yeah I forgot then their is the length as well but that's a whole nother issue. So anyways back to my story the point is when I was eating the cake and the nachos I had a thought, why is that I feel one slice or one bowl of nachos won't set me back when it clearly does? I end up somehow eating a weeks worth of calories (ok not that much but it feels like it) in one sitting and I feel all fine and dandy but then I wake up in the morning and step on the scale then realize my mistake where has my thinking on the subject gone wrong?? I wonder if perhaps counting calories is not the way for me because what happens is I see that oh I have 500 calories left what can I eat and I may not even be hungry at the time! It worked great for the first couple weeks but now not so much, I think I need to do some more research and come up with a better plan because so far my results aren't matching up at all. And yes I know I need to get my butt back into the gym, my schedule was supposed to be fixed this week but sadly it isn't and I am stuck closing 3X this week again which as I said before just throws off my entire body/ life and schedule so hopefully it can be fixed because the clock is ticking down yet I'm not moving anywhere..... But today is a new day and so is tomorrow so change is still possible and I'm still optimistic

I'll start it on Monday......

Okay well I have some good news and some not so good news, the not so good news first....I totally broke my challenge and ended up eating those little cookie/brownie things that I kept fighting off and fighting off and fighting off.....I had 6 of them (at a whopping 130 calories each) and now of course I feel disgustingly gross for eating 6 of them, trying to get off chocolate completely was a mistake because I have now binged on them. So i'm not sure how I can re-approach this situation......Thankfully cutting out soda hasn't been as hard as chocolate is and I don't know why, I can seriously envision the calories stacking up on my thighs, arms and stomach....Okay anyways onto the good news my old trainer Jeff is getting back into the game and starting in May he will be training me again which I am soooooo completely stoked about~! Not to mention at only $30 a session I can afford to do more sessions and lets just say by July I will be looking amazing!!!! So i've got to get my pre-training on as he says it so that we don't have to start all over again, I really think...wait scratch that...I know that with my new work/school schedule during workouts will be a ton easier, since I will be working only morning shifts I can get up before work and get almost 2 hours at the gym if I need to without worrying about all the traffic because I know there is not a TON of people working out so early in the morning as there is later in the day....It's now April and i've only made a slight dent in my weightloss so it's time to step it up, obviously it just proves that calorie cutting alone does not work and while muscle weighs more than fat we all know that I am not making muscle by cutting calories... I have to start my gym challenge on monday and keep going.....If I can stop drinking pop cold turkey after having 2 (12oz) soda's a day or more I can go to the gym and work out...plus i'm so stoked now that it's getting to be better weather because that means that I can go running at the CCC track before/after work...I need to find some track buddies...anyone interested?? i'm thinking Tue/Thur depending on my work schedules so if you are interested in doing that let me know!!! Maybe I should start a group on facebook lol......what do you think??? Would you join???

 

Weight: 175.8lbs

Days to Go: 111



Easter, Truffle Cake, Naps and 30 Day Ab's Challenge.....

Alright people we are now onto week 3 of calorie counting and being at 1250 calories, unfortunately I haven't gotten below 175, i'm still trying to adjust to make sure that I don't eat after 8pm which I think is a big downfall, I don't get off until 9:30-10 some nights and I don't get home til 10 or later and it's when I stop that I figure out that i'm starving and even though I only eat healthy things the weight doesn't exactly slide off, now I realize that i'm not going to just shed the weight that easily so i'm not discouraged, as as much as i've wanted to sit with a box of cookies or chinese food I haven't, I did allow myself a madeline brownie today ( a whopping 130 calories for one!) I've been fighting the urge to have one for awhile now (this btw was the girl who would eat like 10 in a sitting, they are that good) but since I had only had a banana since breakfast (late night / early morning) I decided it would okay to splurge on one, I also had some jimmy johns but of course I skipped the soda that usually comes with it and just got a bottle of water :) so just an update for you guys I did really well over Easter, I was invited over to Brian's family's house which was awesome, I always love spending time with them and the fact that I helped make the dessert with his mom the night before was just the icing on the cake ha ha well the truffle cake that is! It was a really nice bonding moment. So anyways I got very small portions and had a tiny tiny tiny sliver of the truffle cake ( I had to try it!) Colleen tried to offer me more later but I politely declined and poor jason just had so much in his bowl between the truffle cake and the mini banana cheesecakes ha ha. I must have been in a food coma because the next thing I knew I woke up when Brian was carrying me to his bed to try and finish out my nap which of course didn't happen. Because I realized what time it was and had to head home....I'm hoping my new schedule will be implemented next week and i'll be able to start going to the gym again I know it's not a good excuse but the whole open close close close schedule just throws me off and when I get home late I just wanna sleep and then by the time i'm ready to go to the gym it's time to head back into work! I'm in a funk!!! but i'm gonna atleast start the 30 days Ab's Challenge so we will see how that goes, I didn't finish it last time but I wanna finish it this time!!!

Down She Goes.......

Alright so last night was a late night and a busy night at work I was literally dripping sweat cleaning the beds and I had 3 people in a row in the mystic so you know I was hustling!! Anyways I think I burned more calories than I accounted for because I got home and late last night I was hungry, but I only ate a 10 calorie pickle and downed a lot of water which probably wasn't the best idea since I had to get up and pee almost every couple hours since I had already downed a bottle and a half just at work alone. Anyways I decided to weigh myself this morning since I've now been on the 1250 calories diet for 11 days now and have lost a total of 4lbs, I think I would be down more but since I gained a little over a lb over the weekend I had to re-lose that as well. I'm now on day 2 of no chocolate and so far it's okay I'm sure it's going to get a lot tougher, im not sure what the next thing I will elminate from my diet but I'm thinking pasta maybe, well actually I shouldn't say the word elminate because I will still have the stuff in the future just in smaller portions of them, I'm almost thinking that when I go out to eat I will ask for half of the food boxed up so I only eat half of it but I don't want to piss off the server or chef so I guess I'll just have to watch my portions and only eat half of what's on my plate. So anyways besides that I'm just constantly on Pinterest looking for interesting recipes that will expand my diet and leave me full without busting my calories, tough this is I'm not into vegan food or things like that I like my pasta, my creamy milky sauce, my meat and I'm not talking chicken give me a medium rare steak anyday!! Lol well back to Pinterest since its my day off I fully intend to just be lazy and pin away the day on Pinterest :)

Done With Soda...Onto Chocolate!! ARGHHH

So i've officially finished my soda challenge and I definitely don't crave soda anymore, i'm still struggling a little bit with chocolate, not in a bad way but I mean last night I was starving when I got home (really small lunch!) so I ate my entire dinner and then later I had a piece of chocolate and then after that I had an icecream sandwhich, thankfully I stopped there because I was still hungry but I just watched a movie and went to bed. I went over my calories slightly yesterday but I was pretty busy at work so I went over by 226, I need to remember not to just have a small lunch like PB&J because it just basically got burned off and then I was starving and I overeat, I mean since my calories are only set at 1,250 each day so even if I do go over by a couple hundred calories it's not going to make that huge of a difference,  I am going to miss my hot chocolate's on Sunday mornings but oh well, i'll just switch to my tea I guess or figure something else out! I just gotta keep my eye on the prize,so far this week i'm already lost the 1lb I gained over the weekend and i've lost .4 lbs as well, I need to figure out something for the weekend so I watch what I eat if I happen to be over at Brian's or elsewhere... Oh well i'll get it figured out...

Late Night Shopping Trips....

Well I got off work late again last night and I really HAD to go, I was down to like nothing in the fridge minus frozen chicken nuggets, cake, and a bunch of random things (all not mine!!!) I ended up splurging some of my calories on mac salad and white rice at hawaiian time because I just felt really low and irritated ( I know it was from low blood sugar) I even shared it with my co-worker so I didn't over eat and all in all I only used about 300 calories, I ended the night still having 170 calories that I could still eat but didn't, It really helps that I am active at my job cleaning beds, constantly walking around and never really sitting so I do get some exercise which is nice. Anyways so I went to Safeway and managed to avoid the hunger pitfalls that were on my mind, I did not get to finish even a 1/4 of my lunch because I had so many visitors he he, Brian included :) he stopped by to see me even as he was trying to beat the rain home so that definitely brightened my day up. Anyways! So for dinner I had or attempted to have a small salad with boiled egg and snap peas, a pickle and carrots ( didn't get to finish the carrots but I ate my pickle in the car on the way home lol) what I did have was yummy and I defintitely wanna start mixing up my boring old salads, so my shopping trip to safeway consisted of picking up bread, eggs, cottage cheese, cereal, oatmeal, salad mix, rice and some huberts lemonade in cherry limeade and rasberry lemonade (my little guilty pleasure and it's only 80 calories a serving!!!) And now I have officially ended my habit with soda I have hit the 21 day mark, now does that mean that I won't ever have a soda again? Nope I may have one every once in a while but it means that the hold that soda had over me is now pretty much over. my totaly cost for everything at Safeway was only $22.47, i'm really starting to use my Safeway app and load all of the deals onto my card so that I don't just randomly spend $60+ and half the food goes to waste, just wish they would have a deal on malt-o-meal sometime! I just can't justify spending $5+ on a box right now, maybe once i'm making more money sure especially sincev it will get eaten since both Brian & I enjoy it. So needless to say today is another new day, I think I just really need to focus on not overeating on the weekends because when i'm out around or over at Brian's house even though I take smaller portions the calorie concentration is still higher than what I would eat during the week. Hmmm.....guess we will just have to approach it differently, although I still turned down the strawberry pie Margret made and that I REALLY wanted...ha ha small steps I wish I could banish all sugar and bad stuff but i'm just not that motivated, I am consuming smaller amounts of chocolate I haven't had a candy bar in a week? maybe a little more or less? I haven't really tried to think about it. Well until last night when all the easter candy was screaming at me ha ha I almost wanted to just ran past the aisle with my eyes closed but I figured that would cause a scene.. Still really considering getting hypnotized but since I overcame Soda on my own I think that I can do the rest on my own, afterall no one is putting the bad food in my hand if anyone is doing anything Brian is slapping bad things out of my hand and always making me really think about what i'm eating,. But let's face it he's not with me 24/7 so at the end it's just me, If I look fat in Hawaii it's not because of him or anyone else it's because of me.....I think I am doing good but there is always room for better.....

Brian's amazing burgers....Darn you weekend!

Okay so the weekends are hard, I by no means gorged out or anything but Brian makes such delicious food that it'a hard not to eat it!!! my weight has fluctuated to 178.2 so I only gained a little over a pound back but I honestly thing its just because I ate a larger lunch and dinner on Saturday, which I already talked about in my previous blog post, but just a recap, homemade pizza for lunch (it was ok) froyo for a snack in town, and leftover chili with cornbread for dinner. I totally didn't have the strawberry pie w/ graham cracker pie crust (looked so delicious) I only went over my total calories for the day by 54 but yesterday was a whole nother story, I had a little bit of cereal in the morning and then Brian made the MOST AMAZING hamburgers, the rub he put in it combined with the teryiaki sauce just made them super bomb, we then melted muenster cheese on top, I had a little side of beans and a couple of sweet potato tots as well, I prob should have skipped the bun perhaps but I mean normally I am not a big fan of homemade burgers but I just have to say that my boyfriend just makes the seriously most mouthwatering foods, lol I think it's hilarious he is always there saying no you don't need it ha ha ha, I had a dark chocolate cookie and well I regretted it because it was STALE!!! But that was not the worst part I went and did a couple of friends hair which went long so I had to rush over to Canby to meet my friend Heidi for the work meeting and I only had time to grab a string cheese and chocolate milk to try and tide me over, it didn't help that I could smell, teriyaki, jimmy johns, taco del mar and red robin within a 500 ft radius, so to my dismay when I got back to canby and to my car it was around 10:45 so I went to taco bell............I only got a soft taco and a hard taco so I didn't do tooo bad but I mean realistically I need to get some groceries and there was no way I was going to Safeway at 11pm at night (which btw I think they close then??) drive home and make an entire meal, not gonna happen, I also didn't think the workshop meeting would go so late, I figured like 9:30 at the latest but nope...not to mention if I went home and just ate some snacks I can 100% say I would probably wake up in the middle of the night and go stuff my face with whatever I could find so while Taco Bell wasn't the best choice it was the best option for the time and place... trust me if there was a Subway open I would have totally gone there and gotten a salad or something but they weren't so I took the middle road and chose not to get cinnamon twists with my meal so small victories, I definitely need to go to the store today and buy some bread and a couple other smaller items to keep my diet in check, no more buying huge amounts of things just shopping once a week for the week pretty much, wish my paychecks were bigger so I could spend more $$$ on food said no one ever LOL oh well til next time......I really want another burger...just saying

The weekend is here

So I stepped on the scale this morning and (gasp) I'm down 3lbs this week :) now not that it's a big thing to celebrate or something but I did splurge a tiny bit today, Brian took me out to Froyo after we went to Fred Meyer on the yammy it was a nice ride albeit freezing lol I only went over my calories by 54 today and besides the Froyo we had homemade pizza with organic dough, (it was okay, nothing special....) but anyways I had 3 pieces. Not huge pieces or anything lol I'm not crazy! But afterwards my stomach was like Kerisa what have u done what is this? That by far is the largest meal I've had this week everything else has been small and controlled, anyways it was a small victory and needless to say if every week is as good as this week is for weightless ill he close to my goal by July!!! Wahoo for small victories!

I could REALLY go for a cupcake right now......

So today marks day 16 without soda, i'm doing okay in that sense but oh lord I really want a cupcake!!!! i've had 2 small chocolate hearts today weighing in at a whopping 57.5 (I rounded up in my livestrong plate tracker though) calories each and i'm currently on pinterest and I swear every other pin is a big juicy cupcake staring at me saying eat me....but i'm staying strong, even though I have 128 calories left of my 1,250 calorie budget.....I wanted sugar so bad today I literally took a bear claw out of the package of 3 and the nsaid no and put it back...(phew that was a close one) I know that there is ice cream sandwhiches in my freezer but I don't want to touch them......I want something sweet but I have come so far!!!!100 calories in chocolate is not a lot but i'm almost contemplating having another piece but then I know I will want another piece after that, this is the toughest part, trying to break the habit of needing chocolate all the time, yesterday I had no chocolate aside from my clif bar, I need to find a way to have chocolate but not all the calories lol and no I don't want vegan or anything like that.......................Oh well maybe i'll have a cupcake at the end of this week if I save up enough calories......

Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So last night I had to close (not fun) and I had to drop some stuff of at my mom's house, when I got there wouldn't you know it there was a HUGE case of Dr. Pepper just sitting there....but I decided against it and left! (woohoo go me!) I have been frustrated with controlling my sugar urges and the fact that I have gained not lost weight but this morning I had a tiny victory, I stepped on the scale and I weighed 178.6 woohoo for a little over a lb lost, hopefully this continues, I haven't made it to the gym since Friday and yes I know work is no excuse but honestly it's really hard when there is no set schedule, for example this week I open once and close 3x unless I open tomorrow for my friend, either way it's like early mornings or late nights (well later nights, anyways) so it's just tough to get on a schedule with the gym! And yes I know i'm making excuses but you try and it and see how you feel LOL anyways back to the good news that i'm finally starting to see results, not huge results but results none the less so I am happy :) i've also decided not to give up chocolate but instead I found these little valentines chocolates in the kitchen, 4 of them are 190 calories but since I wouldn't eat 4 only 1 is 47.5 calories so i'm going to try and go as long as possible without chocolate unless it's hot chocolate but if I feel the need to binge I will just have 1 of them and satisify my sweet tooth without going overboard, i've really got to just step it up, with only 4 months to go I need to now lose about 10lbs a month thats just a little over 2lbs a week which is still doable but if I can atleast get down to  150-145 I will be satisifed, the pressure is on, I know that as the months get warmer and the days get longer I will be going to the tracks at CCC/Molalla/Colton to go running if anyone wants to join me when the time comes!!!! I kinda want a piece of the chocolate right now but I don't need it, instead I think I will have a nice cup of hot chocolate since the weather outside definitely calls for it! Better choices...that is the key, last night however I was STARVING when I got home because guarenteeed I burned off the carrots, snap peas, laura doone cookies and the 2 bites of nachos I had, I totally scoured the pantry and the fridge and there was literally nothing I could find unless I wanted to cook for an hour so I ended up eating half a can of meaty ravioli, I don't feel bad about because I had the calories available and even still eating this I didn't go over my 1250 calorie limit I have set for myself. Now I just gotta add exercise besides just walking and sweating my butt off at work everday lol. i'm thinking that I need to have a home workout and a gym workout for the days I don't feel like driving to the gym or i'm not already in town....I still wanna take some classes at 24 but since Melissa x'd Zumba with me I will need to find a new Zumba partner I guess, she did agree to Turbokick but our schedules have yet to sync up for it. Hmmm.....2 different workouts need to be figured out, maybe tomorrow on my day off....Or Friday since I don't work til 4, not stoked about closing again but it's only a 5 hour shift so hopefully it won't be too bad! Well thats it for today my little followers!

Chocolate Challenge...Yay or Nay???

So today Brian brought me a ton of snacks to work since I was starving and when I say snacks I don't mean the bad kind, he brought me sugar snap peas, a golden apple (yum!) carrots, yogurt covered raisins and laura doone 100 calorie shortbread cookies (double yum!!) it was really sweet of him since I was in fact STARVING and I had totally been craving sugar snap peas and carrots (how he knew this idk) and anyways he stayed at my work for a little bit before and after tanning and until I was off since he came when I was close to getting off anyways, and I brought up the no chocolate for 21 days and I asked him how I could do it because A. I love hot chocolate (I drink it almost every morning in place of coffee since it still has a little bit of caffeine in it) and B. the snack crisps he got me (Special K 100 calorie crisps) have chocolate in them, I did turn down a huge chocolate chip cookie from my friend but I ended up buying a small bag of reeses pieces (which btw is a step down from me buying that big slice of chocolate cake I mentioned in yesterdays post) I still haven't had a soda, and i've got 8 days left of this challenge and then hopefully the soda will be no longer a problem which is why i'm contemplating the no chocolate thing but I mean hot chocolate isn't a problem for me I don't binge out on hot chocolate I have 1-2 packets a day depending on how big of a cup i'm making I then add 2% milk sometimes and I also add vanilla or almond syrup as well to give it some sweetness (no more than 2tbsp which is the recommended serving size) I also don't have hot chocolate every day just on days where I need a pick-me-up or I need some caffeine, but like I said it's not that chocolate that's the problem its the chocolate brownies or cakes or reeses peanut butter cups, (I purposely stayed away from that today although I did go by the bakery and longingly looked at the cakes and cupcakes....) My trainer used to suggest that if I was having a chocolate craving that it was best to buy a bag of hershey kisses and have 1, that would satisfy the cravings without de-railing all my hard work, I mean I know what happened that caused me to de-rail: sitting on my butt from January-September because I wasn't allowed to go to the gym and since I was getting paid from WC and not having to use gas to go to work I was able to waste money on food and magazines and sat around eating cookies and chips and dip and whatever else sounded good, which caused me to gain the weight back quickly since I was no longer doing any type of physical activity period due to restrictions. It's amazing how 9 months of hard work, dedication, good eating habits and self control just went out the window in just under 1 month, and now I have to start all over again, I literally have to retrain my mind to not constantly want a sprite, shirley temple or dr. pepper, that I don't need to eat that huge slice of cake in order to feel happy, tonight my dinner was simple but I did eat dinner and then ate a bowl of cereal like an hour after because I was still hungry, why is it when I am working I don't feel like eating and can go almost an entire shift without eating but as soon as I get home I am stuffing my face??? In case you were wondering my dinner consisted of tenderloin steak (ahhhh so good!!!!!) wild rice, salad and asparagus. A healthy dinner right?? well ok steak isn't the healthiest but atleast it wasn't like fried chicken or something, baby steps people baby steps!!!!!!! I constantly scour pinterest for food ideas but I never actually go through and make them, they certainly look really good but when the time comes to make something for myself I want quick and easy and that usually means boiling water for Mac & Cheese (which btw I have also cut down on, I had some yesterday but I only made a quarter of the box as opposed to making the ENTIRE box like I used to, I keep forgeting to check serving sizes, an entire box is not one serving size! lol so my habits are slowly getting better but sometimes I wish there was just a reset button for my eating habits so I could just go back but lets face it there is not so here is the question should I try to eliminate chocolate in all forms or just in certain forms ie everything but hot chocolate and a limit of 1 hershey kiss when deperately needed to divert possible chocolate binge, ugh and of course a Milano's commercial is on just as I am typing this.......darn you subliminal advertising.. and what about chocolate milk?? I mean that sometimes is necessary...see what i'm talking about??? I already have replaced my soda addiction with water, gatorade and strawberry lemonade but what am I supposed to replace chocolate with?? Keep in mind this is the girl who once wanted chocolate so badly she actually got some of her mom's baking chocolate, yes baking chocolate, out of the freezer (which btw was disgusting, will never do that one again) and took a huge bite out of it thinking it would satisfy her and  instead all she got was a big nasty bite of bitter chocolate ) not my finest moment I will admit...... Either way how should I approach this, Brian wasn't sure and I didn't really get to finish the conversation because I got busy at work so any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated!!! :)

One Day At A Time

Okay so i've been not feeling well the last couple days, I think it finally came to a head because I went to Zumba Friday night....which btw I loved, and I cannot pop my hips to save my life but I can make my booty shake for real, ha ha well I guess it's more of a jiggle jiggle but still baby got back ha ha, I spent almost all of yesterday napping and watching movies at Brians (he rubbed my head for almost an hour, it was amazing) and then I fell asleep in his extremely comfortable bed and this afternoon I am even worse and have a slight fever, i'm trying to keep occupied and not think about the fact that my body feels like it's been through a meat grinder so what better way then to do a blog update since it's been a little bit....btw in case you were counting I am now on day 12 of no soda!!!! only 9 days left of this challenge and then it's on to a new one!! i'm thinking maybe no chocolate but the thing is I love my hot chocolate and I do have some chocolate fiber bars, not to mention cliff bars that I eat if I feel my blood sugar is getting low so i'm not sure how well I would handle that challenge, i'm thinking maybe no pasta for 21 days??? I mean I swear there must be some Italian in me because I love me some pasta, tortellini, fettuccini, spaghetti I think anything with a ni or a ti on the end of it I want. I have pasta atleast 1x a week if not more, I had organic spaghetti noodles for the first time last thursday, it was good they didn't taste any different but I am trying to eat more healthy or atleast healthier substitutes, I know I can't eliminate sugar  from my diet, I wish I could but it's hard I love chocolate, I love candy, there was a point where I would have a candy bar a day, I keep going back and forth, one major weakness is the individual cake slices from Safeway....oh lord I can't keep away from them. I seriously want to get hypnotized to help me eat healthier, I think it's harder this time around because well my metabolize has slown down ( I am 28 now after all) and I know it was because I was drinking 1-2 sodas a day, having slices of cakes, chinese food etc I know thats why I am now at 179.8 i'm hoping that the fact that I stopped drinking soda will help but I know the fact that I just ate 5 crescent rolls with butter and an icecream sandwhich will not. WHY must I have 5 cresent rolls not just one or two??? it's almost like i'm a binge eater I think,  there used to be times where I would buy a box of swiss miss rolls and eat the entire box in half a day, maybe I need a nutritionist or something for real, or maybe I just need to learn self control, I know that I am an emotional eater, if I have a bad day a slice of cake will make it all better, I see it over and over again on pinterest, you are not a dog so why reward yourself with food? I mean what am I gonna do at the end of 21 days have a big soda to celebrate? Work isn't helping right now i'm very stressed out over things that have been happening at work and thats causing me to not eat or eat too much which I know is confusing the crap out of my metabolism. and my work schedule doesn't help I don't have a set schedule which means my eating habits get thrown off, I can't eat at the same time everyday, well I take that back I can but it's not easy if i'm busy at work I can't be like hold up a minute I have to stop and eat, and to be honestly it literally takes close to an hour to even eat my lunch because I have to stop and help tanners, (due to hardship I don't get a clocked out lunch) so by the time I finish my lunch it's closer to dinner time for me but i'm not hungry so I don't eat til way later etc etc, I need stability and routine and it's so hard to have that right now, I don't have a set work schedule which makes trying to have a set eating or working out schedule even harder, I still wish I had the motivation I did back in 2011 because I was going to classes, I was in the gym 3-5x a week and I got down to 155 from 195 and I mean that was a HUGE accomplishment for me, the skinniest I ever was was 148 and that was in 2005!!!!!! I still felt fat then at 148 but I wasn't in the gym I was just taking weightloss pills, (solo slim) I've gotta figure this healthy lifestyle out, money is a factor, time is a factor and resources are a factor, I realize these sound like excuses to people but hear me out, money is factor because I don't make a ton of money so eating healthy which can be more expensive (i've looked into the program body by Vi and OMG $249???? for the monthly shakes etc that I need?? Yes I can just do the $49 but it doesn't last as long and lets face it I will end up spending more if I purchase supplies several times a month) I only budget $100 a month for food, $25 a week and even that is difficult, my father has our freezer and refrigerator soooooo apcked with gleaner food ( I have nothing against it but I mean come on dad we are not going to go throw 3lbs of frozen coleslaw or a 5lb tub of ricotta cheese before it expires in 2 weeks) I mean now that we have pigs it just goes to them but I am seriously contemplating buying myself a fridge/freezer just so that I can stock it with healthy stuff, oh and btw I am always having to be the one to clean out the fridge because he just lets it go and get all gross and moldy and disgusting,  and our kitchen is no different, I spend 2 hours cleaning it so that I will want to cook and he destroys it in 30 minutes with papers and dirty dishes and 20 loaves of bread on the verge of becoming moldy.....and half the stuff he does bring home from gleaners I would never eat!! I swear he is a food hoarder there is soo much canned and boxed food in our garage that it's ridiculous not to mention half of the food is expired by a couple years (oh and trust me it's in the pantry too I found a food item once (can't remember what) that was over 2 years expired in our pantry!!! Plus lets face it it's no fun cooking for one, I really can't wait until Brian and I get our house because I will be in town and closer to the track so I can go running and I will have both of us to cook for so i'll be responsible for that and I will be in charge of the kitchen and fridge (well unless he wants to cook which btw he is a great cook and baker, his homemade bread is amazing!) so now onto the time factor, I don't have a set work schedule and we only get our schedules a week at a time so I never know what shifts I will be working week to week, which messes up my classes that I wanna take and if I get off later in the afternoon the gym is totally packed and it's not easy to workout because I have to wait for almost every machine I wanna use, which obviously makes me less motivated, and resources is a factor and by resources I mean gas, I have a limited gas budget (my gym is about 30ish miles from my house) so unless I have another reason to drive in besides the gym I end up not going to the gym on my day off (Thursday and Saturday) and on my days I am in there I am tired from cleaning beds, running around the store and standind for my entire shift which varies from 5-8 hours a day, I really only sit for like a max of 10 minutes each shift because of the no clocked out lunch and customers coming in at anytime. So i'm not sure how i can remedy all these situations to my favor......If anyone has any good ideas let me know!! It's funny I read this quote on pinterest off of a picture that i'm totally going to copy, it's a motivational wall, I had something similiar but honestly it just looked tacky so i'm gonna step it up a notch....Anyways it say "The few minutes of happiness that soda (I also added chocolate to it) is nothing like the pure joy that will come from finally being healthy and thin" you know it's true, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, I know that first hand, when I was down to 155 I still had a flabby stomach but I really felt like it was smaller and was getting harder but now all the chocolate in the world wouldn't satisify me as much as it did seeing that pic of me in Buckle Jeans...well enough day dreaming for me I need to get to sleep since I have work in the morning......

 Inspiration board that I saw on pinterest and loved!!!

Me in 2006 at 148

Me at 155 in the infamous Buckle Jeans that I so wanted! Notice the shirt??