Cleanses, Detoxes & Diets

So I bought a new diet book last week, I haven't even made a dent in it :/ part of the problem is that i'm not allowed to read on my lunch, wait let me rephrase that, all books have to be cleared by corporate and I know this book will not be cleared since I wasn't even cleared to work on a math worksheet on my lunch. Anyways the book is called the Perfect 10 Diet, it's gotten rave reviews because it works using your hormones which as we all know helps us lose and gain weight etc. Besides that this morning did not go well, as I previously posted my size 10 jeans ripped and I said maybe I should squeeze into the 8's, well lets just say I can't even get the jeans past my monstrous thighs and since I don't want to look gangsta (yes that is my word of choice) thankfully Brian's mom just agreed to put patches on the thighs so that I can still wear them until I lose my weight UGH as if the signs weren't obivous i'm still not motivated, how horrible am I if I can't even get motivated by a pair jeans that have ripped out because of my fat thighs. I did the 3 day diet last year before I went to Hawaii and I did lose weight on that, i'm thinking about maybe doing it again just to try and start this thing off, I keep backsliding, I tried the 21 day challenge and failed on day 1, Why can't I stick to things???? i'm losing precious time every day that slips by and I don't lose weight, Hawaii will be here before I know it and I will still be overweight and jiggly on the beach which I do not want, AND hopefully after that I will be planning my wedding and I don't wanna be overweight and jiggly in my dress. I mean maybe I need a partner again I don't know why is it so hard for me to say no to soda and chocolate and all those desirably bad things??? I know what they do to me I see it everytime I look in the mirror yet I still eat them, and in large amounts, this morning I had 4 swiss rolls and 1 cinnamon roll breakfast thing this morning BEFORE my bowl of honey nut cheerios (atleast that was healthy) and even now as I wrote that I was thinking I want another swiss roll.....Why isn't there some magical pill that makes everything you once thought tasted amazing taste horribly wrong. Like chocolate or soda or chinese food......especially chinese food because that is a HUGE weakness of mine..crab puffs and subgum chow mein (which incidentally I don't think is that bad because it's vegetables??? but maybe the sauce??) So we've covered diets and diet books but what about the cleanses and detoxes?? I made the mistake of doing a pill that gets rid of all of your water weight and well it wasn't pretty my advice if you ever do one is to just stay home all day and don't make any plans because you will be running to the toilet every 5 minutes! I never have actually done a cleanse but I did do a fitbody wrap at work which is supposed to detox/cleanse you, but I tell you what you have to make sure you have some kind of entertainment otherwise you are just laying in a pool of your own sweat listening to everyone talk outside of the room, btw it's 60 min long and I only made it to 50 min. I literally got out and when I stepped off the table all of the water that had collected in the foot of my awesome gown (btw for those of you who need a visual the suit is kind of like a mesh and it's a full suit complete with feet....think adult footy pajama's that are see through lol) poured out all over the floor, i'm not sure exactly how many calories I burned you can burn a minimum of 1400 in a single session depending on your body type. will I do it again? If I can afford it of course I will, it'll be great for Hawaii. Anyways I thought that would be a good idea to start off my new dietary lifestyle but nope. It doesn't matter, I bought Twilight and it came with popcorn and Sierra Mist which i've been consuming over the last few days......I also ate an entire totino's mini pizza, the kind you get for $1. not to mention all the reeses peanut butter cups as well, why is it so hard to give up, i'm seriously considering getting hypnotized. It takes 3 weeks I believe to break a habit? Or is it to form a new habit I can't remember...hold on i'm gonna google it...Okay actually it says it takes a month and a half to break a habit...holy crap so basically if I start today, well actually I can't really start today because I already ruined the habit, that means that means by the middle of April my habit will be broken, how did I do it last time????? I can't even remember to be honest but I was so good I would have cottage cheese and edameme for lunch and hardly ever touch a soda but now its gone i'm back to my old habits and I don't know how I can break them......does anyone out there have any thoughts or tips? I'm getting desperate to be honest, I wanna break this addiction to bad food and soda and chocolate for everytime i'm feeling down or upset or happy. I am not a dog I do not need to reward myself with food....

Are you kidding me???????

So Friday I had a not so good moment...You see i've been stuck in a size 10 jeans, I won't go buy new jeans because A. I don't have the money B. Whats the point if i'm losing weight? and C I have 2 pairs of size 8, one pair of 6's and a pair of 4's in my closet so why waste money on more? Well I may have to buy a pair since i'm not going to lose weight overnight and fit into a size 8, so here is the deal I carry weight in my stomach and my thighs mostly, yes my arms are flabby and big but I do have bigger biceps for a girl...anyways my thighs rub together (all women without an inner thigh gap know what i'm talking about~!) so my jeans wear out around my inner thighs, i've only had 1 pair of jeans do this until now, needless to say Friday I was sitting in my boyfriends car and I happened to have my legs slightly open when I noticed that they were worn out there wasn't any huge holes or anything but you can tell it was pretty close...I was hoping to get some more use out of them but that changed when Brian saw it and decided to stick his finger in the hole on right thigh and proceed to rip it completely open....I wanted to seriously kill him...So how I have three options, I can either A. never wear the jeans again and squeeze my fat body into my 8's and have a muffin top until I lose the weight (maybe it will give me the motivation that I need) I can have Brian's mom put a patch on either side but lets be realistic patch jobs don't belong on the inner thighs of jeans...sorry but they don't and you will totally be able to tell... or option 3 I can go purchase new jeans with money that I don't have since I am saving for Hawaii....not sure which option I want to go with and I mean it's not like I can wear sweats and yoga pants to work for the next 4 weeks while I try to lose weight, (that would be nice if I could though) So here is the question what would you do???

Motivation Step 1..............Utter Humilation Complete

So I was going through some photos of myself before I lost the initial 40lbs on my weight loss goal (although now it's 25lbs since i'm back up to 175) Anyways i've been with my boyfriend for 4 years tomorrow (yay! Happy anniversary to us!) Getting off topic again but not really....Okay ANYWAYS I was saying that since we want to get married someday I had decided to go with my friend Kyra and try on some dresses....needless to say part of me wishes I had burned the photos and the other part of me thinks i'm crazy that i'm actually going to share this photo on the internet for everyone to see but hey this is a motivational blog is it not?? I'm also using it for my own motivation because since we do want to get married some day (and no i'm not engaged but thanks for assuming ;) lol) I will have to put on a wedding dress and lets just say I NEVER want to look this way in a wedding dress when it is actually time to put one on for our wedding....... So step one submit myself to utter humilitaion is now complete and for your viewing pleasure I bring you..........................My utter humiliation......

Motivation Schmotivation

Why is it that I can look at a girl who is skinny and think there is my motivation, I want to look that good in that same type of an outfit...but then it's gone??? I hate looking at myself in the mirror or naked or in a bathing suit or even in regular clothes. it's mostly my mid-section and my arms I hate, my legs allbeit are still fabulous thanks to years upon years of sports, yes I do have some cellulite that needs to be beaten away but other than that my legs are still fabulous...ok well I hate my muscular calves because they aren't skinny muscular they are huge muscular, I have yet to find a pair of boots that don't cut off my circulation and can allow a pair of jeans to fit into them. I wish I could find my real motivation, 2 years ago at this time I had super motivation I was at the gym after work, on the weekends, taking classes it was great and now??? Nothing, nada, I go to 24 hour in Clackamas which is a super sport and has classes but yet after working all day at my new job I just idk don't wanna go. I don't wanna take classes I just am content gorging myself on chinese, soda and candy bars (reeses pieces and peanut butter cups are my weakness....) okay well i'm not really content but my mind says I am I guess..... the thing is i'm going to Hawaii in July and I don't want to be fat on the beach, last year when I went I was able to get down to 160 which btw was difficult because I could not work out due to a bad workers comp injury. And I mean it's not that difficult a task to lose 45lbs in 5 months, thats only 9lbs a month which is very reasonable....I think I just need a motivator...Yes i've tried Brian but we work out differently so it's hard to get motivated and my old gym buddy Angela goes to LA Fitness..(my old gym) I really want to get a trainer but again don't have the money to afford it.....Does anyone have any tips?? i'm almost tempted to buy a gorgeous dress and take a pic of myself all fat in it and them put it as my wallpaper on my phone and plaster it on my mirror as a reminder but I don't know if that will work or not..............I need to find a gym buddy for real, but someone who doesn't mind going early in the morning or late in the evening, oh thats the other thing sometimes I get off at 4 or 5 and by the time I get to the gym it's absolutely packed and I end up waiting for a machine for longer than I would actually be on the machine!!!! And yes I could use the distance factor as a reason for not going but truth is I had a gym membership in the next town over and I still didn't go, but I must add it was also because the gym lacked a ton of the essentials I wanted in a gym and now because I stupidly bought a year long membership because it was a few dollars cheaper I have to pay $100 to cancel it which I can't afford right now...............(long story) Anyways the point of this post is that I need to find my motivation again so if anyone has any tips PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know!!!! :)

Why does it have to be so hard???

I love food, especially bad food, processed food, now i'm not talking about McDonalds because I haven't eaten there in YEARS i'm talking about yeah I still eat Taco Bell and sometimes I crave a whopper or I go to Carls Jr. I swear my relationship with food is what is causing my downfall. I try to stay away from all bad things and instead I end up binging on them. And yes I know people say just have a little bit but I end up eating the entire box. It's not like you can tell a girl scout oh sorry I'm on a diet...you buy a box of cookies has no one seen the pacifier???? Maybe I should go get hypnotized to not like Dr. Pepper or Sprite...or chocolate in general... well that might be too much I love red velvet cake....something has to help me I love/hate food so much why cant I just hate food LOL this would make it so much easier.....

A new year a new goal.....

Alright my amazing followers, it's a new year and with that comes a new challenge, well okay the same challenge but new expectations, I'm sure as you are all aware 2012 was definitely a year of up's and downs, weight was down then went up, was down then went back up. It was a vicious cycle which this year I plan to break. I am using more resources for sure (umm hello pinterest????) and youtube video's to help ramp up my workouts. Brian has been amazing as well! I joined 24 Hour Fitness because unfortunately the small gym in town didn't have everything I was looking for and while I am paying a little more then I was at the other gym I think the extra cost is worth it.  Anyways....One of the video's I really have been following are by Trainer Josh, he has a lot of great video's on YouTube I highly recommend you check them out. So right now my weight is holding steady at 176. My highly reasonable goal is to be down to 125 by July, and for those of us who are horrible at math like me that's only 2lbs a week which is a very easily attainable goal don't you think? I do. I'd like to be ready for Hawaii this year. Yes last year I was down to 160 but after Hawaii I ballooned back up to 176 and I hate it. I only have 1 pair of jeans that fit and with my new job I feel like a slob (even though I don't dress like one) next to the other girls that work there. I want to be proud of my body not ashamed, crossing my arms over my stomach not because i'm upset but because I simply want to hide my muffin top, which btw still happens no matter how loose my jeans are. Well muffin tops be darned i'm going to do my best to get rid of it once and for all, i'm hoping to be able to afford more personal training sessions at 24 Hour since my amazing trainer who got me down to 155 no longer does training :( Well thats it for now! Welcome to 2013~!!

New Gym New Start?

Okay so I got a membership at my local gym but after 2 months i'm realizing it's not the gym for me, they don't have nearly all the equipment I want and they don't have a sauna or anything like that so as part of my Christmas present my boyfriend offered to pay my first and lasts membership costs so that he and I could get a membership at 24 hour fitness, i've been wanting to join for awhile but just didn't have the time or the money andn ow I have both so i'm looking foward to it! currently i'm at 174lbs (ugh) and tomorrow is day 1 of my start at 24 hour fitness I can't wait for the 2 hour workout that is ahead of me~!! (yes I really am excited) stay tuned for more details~!