Motivation Schmotivation

Why is it that I can look at a girl who is skinny and think there is my motivation, I want to look that good in that same type of an outfit...but then it's gone??? I hate looking at myself in the mirror or naked or in a bathing suit or even in regular clothes. it's mostly my mid-section and my arms I hate, my legs allbeit are still fabulous thanks to years upon years of sports, yes I do have some cellulite that needs to be beaten away but other than that my legs are still fabulous...ok well I hate my muscular calves because they aren't skinny muscular they are huge muscular, I have yet to find a pair of boots that don't cut off my circulation and can allow a pair of jeans to fit into them. I wish I could find my real motivation, 2 years ago at this time I had super motivation I was at the gym after work, on the weekends, taking classes it was great and now??? Nothing, nada, I go to 24 hour in Clackamas which is a super sport and has classes but yet after working all day at my new job I just idk don't wanna go. I don't wanna take classes I just am content gorging myself on chinese, soda and candy bars (reeses pieces and peanut butter cups are my weakness....) okay well i'm not really content but my mind says I am I guess..... the thing is i'm going to Hawaii in July and I don't want to be fat on the beach, last year when I went I was able to get down to 160 which btw was difficult because I could not work out due to a bad workers comp injury. And I mean it's not that difficult a task to lose 45lbs in 5 months, thats only 9lbs a month which is very reasonable....I think I just need a motivator...Yes i've tried Brian but we work out differently so it's hard to get motivated and my old gym buddy Angela goes to LA Fitness..(my old gym) I really want to get a trainer but again don't have the money to afford it.....Does anyone have any tips?? i'm almost tempted to buy a gorgeous dress and take a pic of myself all fat in it and them put it as my wallpaper on my phone and plaster it on my mirror as a reminder but I don't know if that will work or not..............I need to find a gym buddy for real, but someone who doesn't mind going early in the morning or late in the evening, oh thats the other thing sometimes I get off at 4 or 5 and by the time I get to the gym it's absolutely packed and I end up waiting for a machine for longer than I would actually be on the machine!!!! And yes I could use the distance factor as a reason for not going but truth is I had a gym membership in the next town over and I still didn't go, but I must add it was also because the gym lacked a ton of the essentials I wanted in a gym and now because I stupidly bought a year long membership because it was a few dollars cheaper I have to pay $100 to cancel it which I can't afford right now...............(long story) Anyways the point of this post is that I need to find my motivation again so if anyone has any tips PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know!!!! :)