Down She Goes.......

Alright so last night was a late night and a busy night at work I was literally dripping sweat cleaning the beds and I had 3 people in a row in the mystic so you know I was hustling!! Anyways I think I burned more calories than I accounted for because I got home and late last night I was hungry, but I only ate a 10 calorie pickle and downed a lot of water which probably wasn't the best idea since I had to get up and pee almost every couple hours since I had already downed a bottle and a half just at work alone. Anyways I decided to weigh myself this morning since I've now been on the 1250 calories diet for 11 days now and have lost a total of 4lbs, I think I would be down more but since I gained a little over a lb over the weekend I had to re-lose that as well. I'm now on day 2 of no chocolate and so far it's okay I'm sure it's going to get a lot tougher, im not sure what the next thing I will elminate from my diet but I'm thinking pasta maybe, well actually I shouldn't say the word elminate because I will still have the stuff in the future just in smaller portions of them, I'm almost thinking that when I go out to eat I will ask for half of the food boxed up so I only eat half of it but I don't want to piss off the server or chef so I guess I'll just have to watch my portions and only eat half of what's on my plate. So anyways besides that I'm just constantly on Pinterest looking for interesting recipes that will expand my diet and leave me full without busting my calories, tough this is I'm not into vegan food or things like that I like my pasta, my creamy milky sauce, my meat and I'm not talking chicken give me a medium rare steak anyday!! Lol well back to Pinterest since its my day off I fully intend to just be lazy and pin away the day on Pinterest :)

Done With Soda...Onto Chocolate!! ARGHHH

So i've officially finished my soda challenge and I definitely don't crave soda anymore, i'm still struggling a little bit with chocolate, not in a bad way but I mean last night I was starving when I got home (really small lunch!) so I ate my entire dinner and then later I had a piece of chocolate and then after that I had an icecream sandwhich, thankfully I stopped there because I was still hungry but I just watched a movie and went to bed. I went over my calories slightly yesterday but I was pretty busy at work so I went over by 226, I need to remember not to just have a small lunch like PB&J because it just basically got burned off and then I was starving and I overeat, I mean since my calories are only set at 1,250 each day so even if I do go over by a couple hundred calories it's not going to make that huge of a difference,  I am going to miss my hot chocolate's on Sunday mornings but oh well, i'll just switch to my tea I guess or figure something else out! I just gotta keep my eye on the prize,so far this week i'm already lost the 1lb I gained over the weekend and i've lost .4 lbs as well, I need to figure out something for the weekend so I watch what I eat if I happen to be over at Brian's or elsewhere... Oh well i'll get it figured out...

Late Night Shopping Trips....

Well I got off work late again last night and I really HAD to go, I was down to like nothing in the fridge minus frozen chicken nuggets, cake, and a bunch of random things (all not mine!!!) I ended up splurging some of my calories on mac salad and white rice at hawaiian time because I just felt really low and irritated ( I know it was from low blood sugar) I even shared it with my co-worker so I didn't over eat and all in all I only used about 300 calories, I ended the night still having 170 calories that I could still eat but didn't, It really helps that I am active at my job cleaning beds, constantly walking around and never really sitting so I do get some exercise which is nice. Anyways so I went to Safeway and managed to avoid the hunger pitfalls that were on my mind, I did not get to finish even a 1/4 of my lunch because I had so many visitors he he, Brian included :) he stopped by to see me even as he was trying to beat the rain home so that definitely brightened my day up. Anyways! So for dinner I had or attempted to have a small salad with boiled egg and snap peas, a pickle and carrots ( didn't get to finish the carrots but I ate my pickle in the car on the way home lol) what I did have was yummy and I defintitely wanna start mixing up my boring old salads, so my shopping trip to safeway consisted of picking up bread, eggs, cottage cheese, cereal, oatmeal, salad mix, rice and some huberts lemonade in cherry limeade and rasberry lemonade (my little guilty pleasure and it's only 80 calories a serving!!!) And now I have officially ended my habit with soda I have hit the 21 day mark, now does that mean that I won't ever have a soda again? Nope I may have one every once in a while but it means that the hold that soda had over me is now pretty much over. my totaly cost for everything at Safeway was only $22.47, i'm really starting to use my Safeway app and load all of the deals onto my card so that I don't just randomly spend $60+ and half the food goes to waste, just wish they would have a deal on malt-o-meal sometime! I just can't justify spending $5+ on a box right now, maybe once i'm making more money sure especially sincev it will get eaten since both Brian & I enjoy it. So needless to say today is another new day, I think I just really need to focus on not overeating on the weekends because when i'm out around or over at Brian's house even though I take smaller portions the calorie concentration is still higher than what I would eat during the week. Hmmm.....guess we will just have to approach it differently, although I still turned down the strawberry pie Margret made and that I REALLY wanted...ha ha small steps I wish I could banish all sugar and bad stuff but i'm just not that motivated, I am consuming smaller amounts of chocolate I haven't had a candy bar in a week? maybe a little more or less? I haven't really tried to think about it. Well until last night when all the easter candy was screaming at me ha ha I almost wanted to just ran past the aisle with my eyes closed but I figured that would cause a scene.. Still really considering getting hypnotized but since I overcame Soda on my own I think that I can do the rest on my own, afterall no one is putting the bad food in my hand if anyone is doing anything Brian is slapping bad things out of my hand and always making me really think about what i'm eating,. But let's face it he's not with me 24/7 so at the end it's just me, If I look fat in Hawaii it's not because of him or anyone else it's because of me.....I think I am doing good but there is always room for better.....

Brian's amazing burgers....Darn you weekend!

Okay so the weekends are hard, I by no means gorged out or anything but Brian makes such delicious food that it'a hard not to eat it!!! my weight has fluctuated to 178.2 so I only gained a little over a pound back but I honestly thing its just because I ate a larger lunch and dinner on Saturday, which I already talked about in my previous blog post, but just a recap, homemade pizza for lunch (it was ok) froyo for a snack in town, and leftover chili with cornbread for dinner. I totally didn't have the strawberry pie w/ graham cracker pie crust (looked so delicious) I only went over my total calories for the day by 54 but yesterday was a whole nother story, I had a little bit of cereal in the morning and then Brian made the MOST AMAZING hamburgers, the rub he put in it combined with the teryiaki sauce just made them super bomb, we then melted muenster cheese on top, I had a little side of beans and a couple of sweet potato tots as well, I prob should have skipped the bun perhaps but I mean normally I am not a big fan of homemade burgers but I just have to say that my boyfriend just makes the seriously most mouthwatering foods, lol I think it's hilarious he is always there saying no you don't need it ha ha ha, I had a dark chocolate cookie and well I regretted it because it was STALE!!! But that was not the worst part I went and did a couple of friends hair which went long so I had to rush over to Canby to meet my friend Heidi for the work meeting and I only had time to grab a string cheese and chocolate milk to try and tide me over, it didn't help that I could smell, teriyaki, jimmy johns, taco del mar and red robin within a 500 ft radius, so to my dismay when I got back to canby and to my car it was around 10:45 so I went to taco bell............I only got a soft taco and a hard taco so I didn't do tooo bad but I mean realistically I need to get some groceries and there was no way I was going to Safeway at 11pm at night (which btw I think they close then??) drive home and make an entire meal, not gonna happen, I also didn't think the workshop meeting would go so late, I figured like 9:30 at the latest but nope...not to mention if I went home and just ate some snacks I can 100% say I would probably wake up in the middle of the night and go stuff my face with whatever I could find so while Taco Bell wasn't the best choice it was the best option for the time and place... trust me if there was a Subway open I would have totally gone there and gotten a salad or something but they weren't so I took the middle road and chose not to get cinnamon twists with my meal so small victories, I definitely need to go to the store today and buy some bread and a couple other smaller items to keep my diet in check, no more buying huge amounts of things just shopping once a week for the week pretty much, wish my paychecks were bigger so I could spend more $$$ on food said no one ever LOL oh well til next time......I really want another burger...just saying

The weekend is here

So I stepped on the scale this morning and (gasp) I'm down 3lbs this week :) now not that it's a big thing to celebrate or something but I did splurge a tiny bit today, Brian took me out to Froyo after we went to Fred Meyer on the yammy it was a nice ride albeit freezing lol I only went over my calories by 54 today and besides the Froyo we had homemade pizza with organic dough, (it was okay, nothing special....) but anyways I had 3 pieces. Not huge pieces or anything lol I'm not crazy! But afterwards my stomach was like Kerisa what have u done what is this? That by far is the largest meal I've had this week everything else has been small and controlled, anyways it was a small victory and needless to say if every week is as good as this week is for weightless ill he close to my goal by July!!! Wahoo for small victories!

I could REALLY go for a cupcake right now......

So today marks day 16 without soda, i'm doing okay in that sense but oh lord I really want a cupcake!!!! i've had 2 small chocolate hearts today weighing in at a whopping 57.5 (I rounded up in my livestrong plate tracker though) calories each and i'm currently on pinterest and I swear every other pin is a big juicy cupcake staring at me saying eat me....but i'm staying strong, even though I have 128 calories left of my 1,250 calorie budget.....I wanted sugar so bad today I literally took a bear claw out of the package of 3 and the nsaid no and put it back...(phew that was a close one) I know that there is ice cream sandwhiches in my freezer but I don't want to touch them......I want something sweet but I have come so far!!!!100 calories in chocolate is not a lot but i'm almost contemplating having another piece but then I know I will want another piece after that, this is the toughest part, trying to break the habit of needing chocolate all the time, yesterday I had no chocolate aside from my clif bar, I need to find a way to have chocolate but not all the calories lol and no I don't want vegan or anything like that.......................Oh well maybe i'll have a cupcake at the end of this week if I save up enough calories......

Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So last night I had to close (not fun) and I had to drop some stuff of at my mom's house, when I got there wouldn't you know it there was a HUGE case of Dr. Pepper just sitting there....but I decided against it and left! (woohoo go me!) I have been frustrated with controlling my sugar urges and the fact that I have gained not lost weight but this morning I had a tiny victory, I stepped on the scale and I weighed 178.6 woohoo for a little over a lb lost, hopefully this continues, I haven't made it to the gym since Friday and yes I know work is no excuse but honestly it's really hard when there is no set schedule, for example this week I open once and close 3x unless I open tomorrow for my friend, either way it's like early mornings or late nights (well later nights, anyways) so it's just tough to get on a schedule with the gym! And yes I know i'm making excuses but you try and it and see how you feel LOL anyways back to the good news that i'm finally starting to see results, not huge results but results none the less so I am happy :) i've also decided not to give up chocolate but instead I found these little valentines chocolates in the kitchen, 4 of them are 190 calories but since I wouldn't eat 4 only 1 is 47.5 calories so i'm going to try and go as long as possible without chocolate unless it's hot chocolate but if I feel the need to binge I will just have 1 of them and satisify my sweet tooth without going overboard, i've really got to just step it up, with only 4 months to go I need to now lose about 10lbs a month thats just a little over 2lbs a week which is still doable but if I can atleast get down to  150-145 I will be satisifed, the pressure is on, I know that as the months get warmer and the days get longer I will be going to the tracks at CCC/Molalla/Colton to go running if anyone wants to join me when the time comes!!!! I kinda want a piece of the chocolate right now but I don't need it, instead I think I will have a nice cup of hot chocolate since the weather outside definitely calls for it! Better choices...that is the key, last night however I was STARVING when I got home because guarenteeed I burned off the carrots, snap peas, laura doone cookies and the 2 bites of nachos I had, I totally scoured the pantry and the fridge and there was literally nothing I could find unless I wanted to cook for an hour so I ended up eating half a can of meaty ravioli, I don't feel bad about because I had the calories available and even still eating this I didn't go over my 1250 calorie limit I have set for myself. Now I just gotta add exercise besides just walking and sweating my butt off at work everday lol. i'm thinking that I need to have a home workout and a gym workout for the days I don't feel like driving to the gym or i'm not already in town....I still wanna take some classes at 24 but since Melissa x'd Zumba with me I will need to find a new Zumba partner I guess, she did agree to Turbokick but our schedules have yet to sync up for it. Hmmm.....2 different workouts need to be figured out, maybe tomorrow on my day off....Or Friday since I don't work til 4, not stoked about closing again but it's only a 5 hour shift so hopefully it won't be too bad! Well thats it for today my little followers!

Chocolate Challenge...Yay or Nay???

So today Brian brought me a ton of snacks to work since I was starving and when I say snacks I don't mean the bad kind, he brought me sugar snap peas, a golden apple (yum!) carrots, yogurt covered raisins and laura doone 100 calorie shortbread cookies (double yum!!) it was really sweet of him since I was in fact STARVING and I had totally been craving sugar snap peas and carrots (how he knew this idk) and anyways he stayed at my work for a little bit before and after tanning and until I was off since he came when I was close to getting off anyways, and I brought up the no chocolate for 21 days and I asked him how I could do it because A. I love hot chocolate (I drink it almost every morning in place of coffee since it still has a little bit of caffeine in it) and B. the snack crisps he got me (Special K 100 calorie crisps) have chocolate in them, I did turn down a huge chocolate chip cookie from my friend but I ended up buying a small bag of reeses pieces (which btw is a step down from me buying that big slice of chocolate cake I mentioned in yesterdays post) I still haven't had a soda, and i've got 8 days left of this challenge and then hopefully the soda will be no longer a problem which is why i'm contemplating the no chocolate thing but I mean hot chocolate isn't a problem for me I don't binge out on hot chocolate I have 1-2 packets a day depending on how big of a cup i'm making I then add 2% milk sometimes and I also add vanilla or almond syrup as well to give it some sweetness (no more than 2tbsp which is the recommended serving size) I also don't have hot chocolate every day just on days where I need a pick-me-up or I need some caffeine, but like I said it's not that chocolate that's the problem its the chocolate brownies or cakes or reeses peanut butter cups, (I purposely stayed away from that today although I did go by the bakery and longingly looked at the cakes and cupcakes....) My trainer used to suggest that if I was having a chocolate craving that it was best to buy a bag of hershey kisses and have 1, that would satisfy the cravings without de-railing all my hard work, I mean I know what happened that caused me to de-rail: sitting on my butt from January-September because I wasn't allowed to go to the gym and since I was getting paid from WC and not having to use gas to go to work I was able to waste money on food and magazines and sat around eating cookies and chips and dip and whatever else sounded good, which caused me to gain the weight back quickly since I was no longer doing any type of physical activity period due to restrictions. It's amazing how 9 months of hard work, dedication, good eating habits and self control just went out the window in just under 1 month, and now I have to start all over again, I literally have to retrain my mind to not constantly want a sprite, shirley temple or dr. pepper, that I don't need to eat that huge slice of cake in order to feel happy, tonight my dinner was simple but I did eat dinner and then ate a bowl of cereal like an hour after because I was still hungry, why is it when I am working I don't feel like eating and can go almost an entire shift without eating but as soon as I get home I am stuffing my face??? In case you were wondering my dinner consisted of tenderloin steak (ahhhh so good!!!!!) wild rice, salad and asparagus. A healthy dinner right?? well ok steak isn't the healthiest but atleast it wasn't like fried chicken or something, baby steps people baby steps!!!!!!! I constantly scour pinterest for food ideas but I never actually go through and make them, they certainly look really good but when the time comes to make something for myself I want quick and easy and that usually means boiling water for Mac & Cheese (which btw I have also cut down on, I had some yesterday but I only made a quarter of the box as opposed to making the ENTIRE box like I used to, I keep forgeting to check serving sizes, an entire box is not one serving size! lol so my habits are slowly getting better but sometimes I wish there was just a reset button for my eating habits so I could just go back but lets face it there is not so here is the question should I try to eliminate chocolate in all forms or just in certain forms ie everything but hot chocolate and a limit of 1 hershey kiss when deperately needed to divert possible chocolate binge, ugh and of course a Milano's commercial is on just as I am typing this.......darn you subliminal advertising.. and what about chocolate milk?? I mean that sometimes is necessary...see what i'm talking about??? I already have replaced my soda addiction with water, gatorade and strawberry lemonade but what am I supposed to replace chocolate with?? Keep in mind this is the girl who once wanted chocolate so badly she actually got some of her mom's baking chocolate, yes baking chocolate, out of the freezer (which btw was disgusting, will never do that one again) and took a huge bite out of it thinking it would satisfy her and  instead all she got was a big nasty bite of bitter chocolate ) not my finest moment I will admit...... Either way how should I approach this, Brian wasn't sure and I didn't really get to finish the conversation because I got busy at work so any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated!!! :)

One Day At A Time

Okay so i've been not feeling well the last couple days, I think it finally came to a head because I went to Zumba Friday night....which btw I loved, and I cannot pop my hips to save my life but I can make my booty shake for real, ha ha well I guess it's more of a jiggle jiggle but still baby got back ha ha, I spent almost all of yesterday napping and watching movies at Brians (he rubbed my head for almost an hour, it was amazing) and then I fell asleep in his extremely comfortable bed and this afternoon I am even worse and have a slight fever, i'm trying to keep occupied and not think about the fact that my body feels like it's been through a meat grinder so what better way then to do a blog update since it's been a little bit....btw in case you were counting I am now on day 12 of no soda!!!! only 9 days left of this challenge and then it's on to a new one!! i'm thinking maybe no chocolate but the thing is I love my hot chocolate and I do have some chocolate fiber bars, not to mention cliff bars that I eat if I feel my blood sugar is getting low so i'm not sure how well I would handle that challenge, i'm thinking maybe no pasta for 21 days??? I mean I swear there must be some Italian in me because I love me some pasta, tortellini, fettuccini, spaghetti I think anything with a ni or a ti on the end of it I want. I have pasta atleast 1x a week if not more, I had organic spaghetti noodles for the first time last thursday, it was good they didn't taste any different but I am trying to eat more healthy or atleast healthier substitutes, I know I can't eliminate sugar  from my diet, I wish I could but it's hard I love chocolate, I love candy, there was a point where I would have a candy bar a day, I keep going back and forth, one major weakness is the individual cake slices from Safeway....oh lord I can't keep away from them. I seriously want to get hypnotized to help me eat healthier, I think it's harder this time around because well my metabolize has slown down ( I am 28 now after all) and I know it was because I was drinking 1-2 sodas a day, having slices of cakes, chinese food etc I know thats why I am now at 179.8 i'm hoping that the fact that I stopped drinking soda will help but I know the fact that I just ate 5 crescent rolls with butter and an icecream sandwhich will not. WHY must I have 5 cresent rolls not just one or two??? it's almost like i'm a binge eater I think,  there used to be times where I would buy a box of swiss miss rolls and eat the entire box in half a day, maybe I need a nutritionist or something for real, or maybe I just need to learn self control, I know that I am an emotional eater, if I have a bad day a slice of cake will make it all better, I see it over and over again on pinterest, you are not a dog so why reward yourself with food? I mean what am I gonna do at the end of 21 days have a big soda to celebrate? Work isn't helping right now i'm very stressed out over things that have been happening at work and thats causing me to not eat or eat too much which I know is confusing the crap out of my metabolism. and my work schedule doesn't help I don't have a set schedule which means my eating habits get thrown off, I can't eat at the same time everyday, well I take that back I can but it's not easy if i'm busy at work I can't be like hold up a minute I have to stop and eat, and to be honestly it literally takes close to an hour to even eat my lunch because I have to stop and help tanners, (due to hardship I don't get a clocked out lunch) so by the time I finish my lunch it's closer to dinner time for me but i'm not hungry so I don't eat til way later etc etc, I need stability and routine and it's so hard to have that right now, I don't have a set work schedule which makes trying to have a set eating or working out schedule even harder, I still wish I had the motivation I did back in 2011 because I was going to classes, I was in the gym 3-5x a week and I got down to 155 from 195 and I mean that was a HUGE accomplishment for me, the skinniest I ever was was 148 and that was in 2005!!!!!! I still felt fat then at 148 but I wasn't in the gym I was just taking weightloss pills, (solo slim) I've gotta figure this healthy lifestyle out, money is a factor, time is a factor and resources are a factor, I realize these sound like excuses to people but hear me out, money is factor because I don't make a ton of money so eating healthy which can be more expensive (i've looked into the program body by Vi and OMG $249???? for the monthly shakes etc that I need?? Yes I can just do the $49 but it doesn't last as long and lets face it I will end up spending more if I purchase supplies several times a month) I only budget $100 a month for food, $25 a week and even that is difficult, my father has our freezer and refrigerator soooooo apcked with gleaner food ( I have nothing against it but I mean come on dad we are not going to go throw 3lbs of frozen coleslaw or a 5lb tub of ricotta cheese before it expires in 2 weeks) I mean now that we have pigs it just goes to them but I am seriously contemplating buying myself a fridge/freezer just so that I can stock it with healthy stuff, oh and btw I am always having to be the one to clean out the fridge because he just lets it go and get all gross and moldy and disgusting,  and our kitchen is no different, I spend 2 hours cleaning it so that I will want to cook and he destroys it in 30 minutes with papers and dirty dishes and 20 loaves of bread on the verge of becoming moldy.....and half the stuff he does bring home from gleaners I would never eat!! I swear he is a food hoarder there is soo much canned and boxed food in our garage that it's ridiculous not to mention half of the food is expired by a couple years (oh and trust me it's in the pantry too I found a food item once (can't remember what) that was over 2 years expired in our pantry!!! Plus lets face it it's no fun cooking for one, I really can't wait until Brian and I get our house because I will be in town and closer to the track so I can go running and I will have both of us to cook for so i'll be responsible for that and I will be in charge of the kitchen and fridge (well unless he wants to cook which btw he is a great cook and baker, his homemade bread is amazing!) so now onto the time factor, I don't have a set work schedule and we only get our schedules a week at a time so I never know what shifts I will be working week to week, which messes up my classes that I wanna take and if I get off later in the afternoon the gym is totally packed and it's not easy to workout because I have to wait for almost every machine I wanna use, which obviously makes me less motivated, and resources is a factor and by resources I mean gas, I have a limited gas budget (my gym is about 30ish miles from my house) so unless I have another reason to drive in besides the gym I end up not going to the gym on my day off (Thursday and Saturday) and on my days I am in there I am tired from cleaning beds, running around the store and standind for my entire shift which varies from 5-8 hours a day, I really only sit for like a max of 10 minutes each shift because of the no clocked out lunch and customers coming in at anytime. So i'm not sure how i can remedy all these situations to my favor......If anyone has any good ideas let me know!! It's funny I read this quote on pinterest off of a picture that i'm totally going to copy, it's a motivational wall, I had something similiar but honestly it just looked tacky so i'm gonna step it up a notch....Anyways it say "The few minutes of happiness that soda (I also added chocolate to it) is nothing like the pure joy that will come from finally being healthy and thin" you know it's true, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, I know that first hand, when I was down to 155 I still had a flabby stomach but I really felt like it was smaller and was getting harder but now all the chocolate in the world wouldn't satisify me as much as it did seeing that pic of me in Buckle Jeans...well enough day dreaming for me I need to get to sleep since I have work in the morning......

 Inspiration board that I saw on pinterest and loved!!!

Me in 2006 at 148

Me at 155 in the infamous Buckle Jeans that I so wanted! Notice the shirt??

Soda??? It's me Kerisa

Okay so today marks day 7 without drinking soda, you know how they say it gets easier? Well they lied...I still think about soda and I have to constantly tell myself no when I'm at the store, but if I can make it 14 more days I know I'll be able to almost completely cut it out of my life except for rare occasions, to replace soda with something sweet I have been drinking strawberry lemonade I haven't found anything as good as mixing frozen lemonade with blended strawberries but I am getting close! I bought 2 different kinda of strawberry lemonade in a bottle and they aren't half bad!! I wanted to do the Frozen/blended option but I just didnt have $7+ dollars to spend on ingredients since neither lemonade or strawberries were on sale, I think the next thing I wanna cut out is chocolate except for Saturday and only if I have hit my weekly goals ie went to the gym 5x this week or lost 2lbs, which reminds me I need to revise my workout schedule, I wanted to go today but by the time I got off work I was in a super bad mood and I just wanted to go home. Since I only work til 2 tomorrow I will definitely be going to the gym I really wanted to take a class but its pointless to try and entertain myself at the gym until 4:30 when I get off at 2, I am going to do Zumba on Thursday morning and I will do turbo kick (the class I've been wanting to do and hoping its just as good as the one at Bally's that I miss) I'm down to only 4 months and 13 days before Hawaii and I'm at 179.0 lbs...... I already know why I gained 5lbs all the pop and bad food I was eating, I'm definitely going to do the 3 day diet again next week I really wanna do another fitwrap too but just don't have the money yet. I don't know what's stopping me from going to the gym it's like 4% of my day yet I feel like I don't have enough time but all I do is come home and lay in bed and go on Pinterest, weddinggawker, and theknot.com I could do that at the gym if I wanted to yet I choose not to. I was so tired today after closing last night and opening this morning that I wanted to go to bed early yet here it is 11:58 and I'm still up, I think part of it is I'm still frustrated over my day and how it went it was fine during the morning but toward the end of my shift not so good and the fact that I've barely spoken to Brian since Sunday doesn't help, yes I did get to talk to him on the phone for a few yesterday but today I couldn't even get him on the phone, the trouble is he is training for his new job whereas at his old job we could be on the phone for hours and have no problems. It's hard because I cannot have my phone on me, around me or even in sight. (Rules of my job) so by the time I got off Brian wasn't even off yet as far as I could tell and when he did finally text back he was eating and then going to bed he has to wake up between 1:30-2am now which means bedtime between 5:30 and 6 and I can tell he is super tired trying to adjust to the change because of daylight savings time and having to get up 2-3 hours earlier than what he has been the last 3 1/2 years.... Anyways I got off topic I'm hoping that cutting out pop the lbs will start to melt off like people have said in the past, I've also started taking green coffee bean extract because Dr Oz has said it works but so far I don't see any results so maybe I just need to cut pills all together?? I know the rules to lose weight burn more calories then you take in but it's like eat every 2-3 hours so your body doesn't go into starve mode which is fine with me but impossible at my job especialy since its now busy season I just get busy cleansing the beds, selling items and checking tanners in that I forget to eat. Monday night I made this huge dinner /snacks for work and all I ended up being able to eat was a yogurt, a rice Krispy treat and a cheesestick, I ate top ramen when I got home at 10pm which I regretted but I mean come on I was STARVING, I know I shouldn't have eaten anything especially top ramen but I knew I would wake up in the middle of the night and start binge eating which I don't wanna do, maybe I should make a food schedule idk. I have Thursday off so I think that day I will do my new workout routine calendar and possibly my food schedule this is where my phone would come in handy at work to tell me hey it's time to eat your snack! I saw on Pinterest a pinner had everything separated with tags saying morning snack, lunch, evening snack etc etc obviously I wouldn't do that for dinner or breakfast (depending on my shift) but that might be something to look into just to get me on a schedule because I know that once I start hitting the gym hard I'm gonna wanna eat more and it needs to be healthy shopping the hard part is too that I buy healthy stuff then forget I have it..... Oh well I need to get to sleep because I have work in the morning!! Atleast I can sleep til 7:45 well until next time!

30 Day Gym Challenge...Day 1

Alright I made it back into the gym!!!!! I was going to be there for 2 hours but I got sidetracked in Barnes and Noble and GNC so I really only got a little over an hour in but I was happy with my results...sometimes I set the standards too high for myself when I am starting over at something. So I sat in the sauna reading of of 3 new books that I have purchased recently and was enjoying reading it when all of a sudden an older asian man on the floor asked me why I was not sweating, looking completely puzzled I showed him my arm which had a stagnent pool of sweat on it LOL perhaps it was the fact that I was fully clothed and he was only wearing shorts that gave the illusion that I was not in fact sweating. But trust me I could feel the sweat running down my back while I was trying to read my book. When I finally was able to find a break in the conversation and leave I went upstairs and I did my workout, It felt good to be back in the gym, I didn't do a specific workout routine per say because I need to formulate a new awesome one for myself so I just made sure to focus on each body area ie arms, legs, but, abs, back etc. lol I almost hate being so sweaty that you leave marks all over the chairs but then I love being sweaty because obviously your burning up calories.........I didn't end up doing cardio because well I started trying to read my book on the treadmill but I honestly looked like I was a drunk person bobbing and weaving side to side and then when I tried to do the eliptical it was even worse so I just got frustrated and got off because not only did the tv not work on but my phone was in my locker so I couldn't listen to music. oh well next time i'll be prepared and realize that trying to read and walk or eliptical is not an easy task especially when you have the hold the book because the holders are not wide enough for my book and not tall enough to hold the pages in place (hence the bobbing and weaving because I was trying to multitask) anyways besides that it felt great! When I got home and got out of the nice warm shower I had the i'm going to be sore tomorrow feeling and it was amazing to feel that again, I haven't felt that way in a long time!!!! It takes 4 weeks for you to see changes in your body 8 weeks for your friends to notice and  12 weeks for the world to notice so here is my challenge, go to the gym 2-3x a week whether it's cardio, a class or weights it doesn't matter as long as I go to the gym and do something there. I really want to take several classes they offer there, I took an amazing kickboxing class at LA fitness in Wilsonville and I loved it!!! i'm hoping the class at 24 hour is just as good, they also have zumba and another class called bodycombat I wanna try so I will give you all updates when I am finally able to get into one!

My new reading materials I picked up!

Cleanses, Detoxes & Diets

So I bought a new diet book last week, I haven't even made a dent in it :/ part of the problem is that i'm not allowed to read on my lunch, wait let me rephrase that, all books have to be cleared by corporate and I know this book will not be cleared since I wasn't even cleared to work on a math worksheet on my lunch. Anyways the book is called the Perfect 10 Diet, it's gotten rave reviews because it works using your hormones which as we all know helps us lose and gain weight etc. Besides that this morning did not go well, as I previously posted my size 10 jeans ripped and I said maybe I should squeeze into the 8's, well lets just say I can't even get the jeans past my monstrous thighs and since I don't want to look gangsta (yes that is my word of choice) thankfully Brian's mom just agreed to put patches on the thighs so that I can still wear them until I lose my weight UGH as if the signs weren't obivous i'm still not motivated, how horrible am I if I can't even get motivated by a pair jeans that have ripped out because of my fat thighs. I did the 3 day diet last year before I went to Hawaii and I did lose weight on that, i'm thinking about maybe doing it again just to try and start this thing off, I keep backsliding, I tried the 21 day challenge and failed on day 1, Why can't I stick to things???? i'm losing precious time every day that slips by and I don't lose weight, Hawaii will be here before I know it and I will still be overweight and jiggly on the beach which I do not want, AND hopefully after that I will be planning my wedding and I don't wanna be overweight and jiggly in my dress. I mean maybe I need a partner again I don't know why is it so hard for me to say no to soda and chocolate and all those desirably bad things??? I know what they do to me I see it everytime I look in the mirror yet I still eat them, and in large amounts, this morning I had 4 swiss rolls and 1 cinnamon roll breakfast thing this morning BEFORE my bowl of honey nut cheerios (atleast that was healthy) and even now as I wrote that I was thinking I want another swiss roll.....Why isn't there some magical pill that makes everything you once thought tasted amazing taste horribly wrong. Like chocolate or soda or chinese food......especially chinese food because that is a HUGE weakness of mine..crab puffs and subgum chow mein (which incidentally I don't think is that bad because it's vegetables??? but maybe the sauce??) So we've covered diets and diet books but what about the cleanses and detoxes?? I made the mistake of doing a pill that gets rid of all of your water weight and well it wasn't pretty my advice if you ever do one is to just stay home all day and don't make any plans because you will be running to the toilet every 5 minutes! I never have actually done a cleanse but I did do a fitbody wrap at work which is supposed to detox/cleanse you, but I tell you what you have to make sure you have some kind of entertainment otherwise you are just laying in a pool of your own sweat listening to everyone talk outside of the room, btw it's 60 min long and I only made it to 50 min. I literally got out and when I stepped off the table all of the water that had collected in the foot of my awesome gown (btw for those of you who need a visual the suit is kind of like a mesh and it's a full suit complete with feet....think adult footy pajama's that are see through lol) poured out all over the floor, i'm not sure exactly how many calories I burned you can burn a minimum of 1400 in a single session depending on your body type. will I do it again? If I can afford it of course I will, it'll be great for Hawaii. Anyways I thought that would be a good idea to start off my new dietary lifestyle but nope. It doesn't matter, I bought Twilight and it came with popcorn and Sierra Mist which i've been consuming over the last few days......I also ate an entire totino's mini pizza, the kind you get for $1. not to mention all the reeses peanut butter cups as well, why is it so hard to give up, i'm seriously considering getting hypnotized. It takes 3 weeks I believe to break a habit? Or is it to form a new habit I can't remember...hold on i'm gonna google it...Okay actually it says it takes a month and a half to break a habit...holy crap so basically if I start today, well actually I can't really start today because I already ruined the habit, that means that means by the middle of April my habit will be broken, how did I do it last time????? I can't even remember to be honest but I was so good I would have cottage cheese and edameme for lunch and hardly ever touch a soda but now its gone i'm back to my old habits and I don't know how I can break them......does anyone out there have any thoughts or tips? I'm getting desperate to be honest, I wanna break this addiction to bad food and soda and chocolate for everytime i'm feeling down or upset or happy. I am not a dog I do not need to reward myself with food....

Are you kidding me???????

So Friday I had a not so good moment...You see i've been stuck in a size 10 jeans, I won't go buy new jeans because A. I don't have the money B. Whats the point if i'm losing weight? and C I have 2 pairs of size 8, one pair of 6's and a pair of 4's in my closet so why waste money on more? Well I may have to buy a pair since i'm not going to lose weight overnight and fit into a size 8, so here is the deal I carry weight in my stomach and my thighs mostly, yes my arms are flabby and big but I do have bigger biceps for a girl...anyways my thighs rub together (all women without an inner thigh gap know what i'm talking about~!) so my jeans wear out around my inner thighs, i've only had 1 pair of jeans do this until now, needless to say Friday I was sitting in my boyfriends car and I happened to have my legs slightly open when I noticed that they were worn out there wasn't any huge holes or anything but you can tell it was pretty close...I was hoping to get some more use out of them but that changed when Brian saw it and decided to stick his finger in the hole on right thigh and proceed to rip it completely open....I wanted to seriously kill him...So how I have three options, I can either A. never wear the jeans again and squeeze my fat body into my 8's and have a muffin top until I lose the weight (maybe it will give me the motivation that I need) I can have Brian's mom put a patch on either side but lets be realistic patch jobs don't belong on the inner thighs of jeans...sorry but they don't and you will totally be able to tell... or option 3 I can go purchase new jeans with money that I don't have since I am saving for Hawaii....not sure which option I want to go with and I mean it's not like I can wear sweats and yoga pants to work for the next 4 weeks while I try to lose weight, (that would be nice if I could though) So here is the question what would you do???