Gulp...Gulp....Gulp

So Friday was my first day at my new job (YAY) anyways I had 2 coffees (eek) but technically I had like 1 and quarter (the second was bought for me and I had already had a coffee so I didn't need it but I didn't want to be rude) anyways thats not the good news the good news is I managed to drink 5 (32oz) bottles of water that day, I was peeing every 10 minutes as if I were pregnant (lol i'm obviously not but a girl in the office is and so I just stated I was having sympathy bladder for her ha ha) I didn't work out yesterday and I didn't work out today (I had to drive to Albany and Brian had a 10am PT that I wouldn't be able to make it too) but i'm gonna go hiking tomorrow and then Wednesday I will work out, I have to help mom with VBS Monday, Tuesday is CC night so I have to wait til Wednesday but I will be ready for it....I hope lol

You did what?????????????????

So today I worked out with my friend Angela for 2 hours (YAY) then came home and was starving and ended up eating an entire box of Macaroni & Cheese (BOO) On the plus side I did burn over 500 calories so I guess i'm still okay as long as I have a healthy dinner and snack. I did even do the eliptical on a 20 incline and 5 resistance, I can already feel it...........I'm gonna be sore tomorrow for sure. I spoke with my friend who is a Nutritionist and for $70 I will get a menu plan, shopping list, counseling etc, and a 1 hour session and so I figure that's the best course of action, i've been working out for 5 weeks and i've only seen a slight difference in fat percentage loss, weight loss, etc. and I figure it's gotta be my nutrition, and eating habits, so here is hoping I get enough money soon so I can get this figured out, I never realized it was going to be this hard!

Breaking up is hard to do......................

So today I got a big reality check, I realized how much I do not like my body in a bathing suit, i've been working really hard and well apparently it's still not hard enough, you know how they say people have hour glass shapes?? Well I have one not only on my side where my stomach is but I literally have another one between my saddlebags and my stomach, it looks like I have a muffin top even when I am naked it's ridiculous, I need to get rid of these saddlebags ASAP, i'm fine with my stomach on the sides, I need to lose a few inches there but I hate my saddlebags, the rest of my legs are fine aside from my butt which I am working on, I know they always say oh you just have good birthing thighs but I don't think jiggly thighs equal out to being able to have an easy childbirth down the road whenever Brian and I get married, IDK maybe I should start seeing a nutrionist when I start getting paid, figure out exactly what I am doing wrong, I know I shouldnt eat fast food, chocolate, portion size etc but after that i'm lost, luckily Brian loves eating healthy (most of the time) and he loves buying organic food so once we get married and move into our house it will be easy to get good quality food all the time since he goes to several whole foods twice a week. I have no problem eating healthy good tasting recipes and cooking, I have almost 30 cookbooks and an overly stuffed shoe box full of recipes as well(yes quite a few are dessert cookbooks, (yes I am a sucker for desserts but I don't eat nearly as many as I used to) I need direction!!!!!!!

Yeah.................Pshhhhhhhhhhh..............Ugh is how I feel

Today was horrible, well horrible at eating 5 to 6 times, I woke up and had to leave right away to go to my testing for my new job and needless to say the only thing I ate until almost 12:30 was a couple bites off a nutrition bar Brian let me have, I just wasn't hungry? then I got home and had an entire box of Macaroni & Cheese (they say lunch is supposed to be the biggest meal of the day, so needless to say it was) then I ate some salad, mini taco's and half a peach, then some ice cream at Brian's for dinner/dessert, and I felt full for awhile but all of a sudden about 20 minutes ago I had a huge hunger pain in my stomach, maybe its cause i've been watching Hell's Kitchen and MasterChef I don't know but I ate an entire spoonful of peanut butter and then a bowl of cereal, Ughhhhhhhh Why is it so hard for me to eat and then so hard for me not to eat???????? I need to buy more grocieries but i'm going to have to wait until I start getting paid, I don't have money to buy groceries sadly so I kinda have to eat what I can in the cupboards and fridge which lets face it is not the best thing. I am so failing at this eating 5 to 6 times a day, its like IMPOSSIBLE, why is it that settlers in the old days would only eat 3 meals and they were thin, Yes I understand they didn't have preservatives and things were fresh etc but honestly I almost am at the point of giving up.

The weekend brings out the worst in me

So this last weekend I did not do good, even though I worked out for an hour on friday and 2 hours today the in-between time was not good I ate pizza, I drank alcohol and I had a couple candy bars not to mention the next day I went to a baby shower and although I ate a ton of vegetables I ended up eating an oreo brownie (which was sooooooooooo good but soooooooooooooooo bad) which is why I worked out super hard today for 2 hours, I feel good that I made it to the gym 4 times this week which is more time than my goal per week to get to the gym. Food is such a big thing for me. Today was bad too, normally I supposed to eat 5-6 meals a day and for some reason I was not hungry I could not eat, and when I did finally it it was like 3:30 and I was at Brian's house, I had some Pub Mix, a piece of cinnimon toast, a couple bites of a protein bar, and then I had subway for dinner and 4 hershey kisses (again bad, maybe its cuz i'm on my period ugh) since his mom and dad had already eaten and he ate not even joking 4 pieces of toast, he had 5 on his plate and I was like wow really? but he was like well I figured you would eat one so I made an extra one (lol he is so cute sometimes) anyways back to me, i've been drinking water like crazy today just trying to flush out my system. That could also be the reason i'm not very hungry cuz it's filling me up IDK but this diet has to change, maybe I should start planning my meals, I know once I start my job it will be so much easier to grocery shop cuz i'll actually have money to buy groceries. I don't mind eating healthy food but lets face it I love chocolate and I love desserts, I don't need fast food like Mcdonalds or Burger king I like homemade desserts and yummy things. I can't give them up, I guess i'll just have to cut back or figure something out, my problem is if I take something out that I really really enjoy I end up binging on it in a weak moment. I almost wish I could see a hypnotist to help me but I don't believe in those kinda things so thats not an option. I guess it's just a matter of willpower and friends who tell me no LOL Brian has no problem telling me no, and i'm learning that its okay to have something just not a ton of something, you don't need an entire slice of cake, maybe just a quarter of the slice, get the taste, get the happiness feeling and then stop. so whatever the equivilent in bites would be to that I need to figure out ha ha. Well tomorrow is a new day and a new week...

So it begins......

So i've been at the gym for about 5 weeks now, i've finished my personal training sessions (I bought 3 of them, got a 4th one for free) When I started I had a body fat % of 37% (EEK) and now I have 33.4% body fat which mean's i've lost about 3% of body fat, not as much as what my trainer said I would lose but it's still an improvement. the last couple days i've worked out really hard, I did 2 hours of weight training on Tuesday and then I did an hour of cardio yesterday. I was hoping to do 2 hours yesterday but my body is still sore and lets be frank, I got a visit from our favorite monthly friend and I was not in the mood (LOL) I gave myself a day off today just because I am sore and I don't wanna overwork my body and then have to take more than a day off. I'm trying to get my water intake up but its just GEEZ 4 32oz water bottles full of water??? Anyone would get bored with just water. I don't like those flavored waters (they make me sick if I drink too much) it's 3:29pm and i'm only on my second bottle.....wait i'm gonna take a drink right now.....okay now back to this. I think the things I struggle with is the fact that I love food, especially carbs, give me pasta anytime and i'll eat it. I'm learning to love salads, I eat them more and more and more. But honestly I hate those people who say eat what you want just smaller portions, yeah well sorry but a child's fist size portion is not going to fill me up and unfortunately the fact that i'm a little hypoglycemic makes me even worse, if I don't eat I get headaches and get just really irritable which lets face it my boyfriend is AMAZING about, he knows and makes me eat. My trainer has told me to eat 6 small meals a day, but what size should these meals be? and what size should my snacks be?? I swear when did eating get so difficult. Thank goodness i'm not a fast food junkie like some people are, I don't eat Mcdonalds and if I do it's just a small fry with an ice cream cone but I can't even remember the last time I did that. I used to eat breakfast there every once in awhile but lets face it after watching Super Size Me, I stopped that cold turkey, I don't eat burger king, wendy's Carls Jr or anything along those lines. I do eat Subway which come to find out even if you get the chicken breast your screwed. So unless I wanna get bread with just veggies on it (which lets face it I can eat that at home for half the price) there's no point in going there, and I like my sauces, give me oil, light mayo, ranch, honey mustard you know what I like. Anyways yeah so forget eating out really, although I try to only eat out on weekends when i'm with Brian and I try to always get a salad so that way I don't fill up on too much dinner depending on where we go. I'm very fortunate that Brian likes to eat healthy and organic so this makes this whole process a lot easier. I don't know if any of you have any healthy recipe ideas but i you do post them!! And I will do the same :) well toodles for today i'll update soon!